IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Throughout history, people have dreamed of living in a perfect society. However, there is still no agreement about what a perfect society would be like. What, in your opinion, would be the most important element of a perfect society? What can people do to help create an ideal society?

#history #people #society #agreement #element
For many ages,
humanity
Replace the word
humans
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 had
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 desire to belong to the perfect community. Even though,
people
 still argue on
this
 matter because of different opinions of it.
This
 essay suggests what can be a major key to
create
Wrong verb form
creating
show examples
 an ideal
society
 and what can be done by individuals to achieve it. Many
people
 have another perspective on what
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 perfect
society
 looks like. I believe
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
tolerance is the most important thing it should
consists
Wrong verb form
consist
show examples
 of. Along
without
Change preposition
with
show examples
 racism and discrimination as today's world is a cruel place for those who are different from others. These aspects are essential to
live
Change the verb form
living
show examples
 happily.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 is because many teenagers and adults, nowadays are being treated badly just because of enjoying their hobbies.
For
instance
Add a comma
,instance
show examples
 my friend was bullied for a long time for listening to
kpop
Correct your spelling
pop
.
Moreover
,
that is
 the reason why children should be raised in a responsible way. Teaching them what is right and what is wrong would make
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 world
such
 a lovely place.
In
Change preposition
As
show examples
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 no one would have to worry about being themselves. Unfortunately, it is quite impossible to achieve. Getting rid of stereotypes and changing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
 opinion is not something which can be done so easily.
Nevertheless
, it is worth trying. If something like that was really possible, it would make many
people
 so much calmer and delighted on daily basis.
For example
, maybe they would start to get along better. In conclusion, creating a perfect
society
 is a very difficult job and requires a lot of patience and determination.
However
, I hope that one day with a different mindset and more mature way of thinking,
people
 will be able to create
such
 a community.
Submitted by alekssandrahoffa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: