Throughout history, people have dreamed of living in a perfect society. However, there is still no agreement about what a perfect society would be like. What, in your opinion, would be the most important element of a perfect society? What can people do to help create an ideal society?

#history #people #society #agreement #element

For many ages,

humanity

Replace the word

humans

show examples

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

had

Change the article

the

show examples

desire to belong to the perfect community. Even though,

people

still argue on

this

matter because of different opinions of it.

This

essay suggests what can be a major key to

create

Wrong verb form

creating

show examples

an ideal

society

and what can be done by individuals to achieve it. Many

people

have another perspective on what

the

Correct article usage

show examples

perfect

society

looks like. I believe

Remove the article

apply

show examples

tolerance is the most important thing it should

consists

Wrong verb form

consist

show examples

of. Along

without

Change preposition

with

show examples

racism and discrimination as today's world is a cruel place for those who are different from others. These aspects are essential to

live

Change the verb form

living

show examples

happily.

Which

Correct pronoun usage

This

show examples

is because many teenagers and adults, nowadays are being treated badly just because of enjoying their hobbies.

For

instance

Add a comma

,instance

show examples

my friend was bullied for a long time for listening to

kpop

Correct your spelling

pop

Moreover

that is

the reason why children should be raised in a responsible way. Teaching them what is right and what is wrong would make

Correct article usage

the

show examples

world

such

a lovely place.

Change preposition

show examples

Correct article usage

a result

show examples

result

Add a comma

,result

show examples

no one would have to worry about being themselves. Unfortunately, it is quite impossible to achieve. Getting rid of stereotypes and changing

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society

Change noun form

society's

show examples

opinion is not something which can be done so easily.

Nevertheless

, it is worth trying. If something like that was really possible, it would make many

people

so much calmer and delighted on daily basis.

For example

, maybe they would start to get along better. In conclusion, creating a perfect

society

is a very difficult job and requires a lot of patience and determination.

However

, I hope that one day with a different mindset and more mature way of thinking,

people

will be able to create

such

a community.

Submitted by alekssandrahoffa on Sun Apr 16 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

281 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
There is too much new and information circulating on the internet nowadays. Is the information on the Internet reliable? How can it be controlled?
It is commonly believed that there is a lot of news and information that can be found on the Internet at present. Some of this news is not reliable because some news is only one-sided, and people post fake news only to get more views. Clearly, there are a few steps that the government can take to solve this issue.
5
band
Some people believe that children should start learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Being able to speak multiple languages is very common these days. In some countries, it is even a necessity to be able to speak more than one language. Learning a foreign language is highly encouraged, even more so from a young age. Whether to start learning a foreign language at primary school or secondary school, has both advantages and disadvantages. Although learning a foreign language at primary school has its disadvantages, it is my belief that those disadvantages do not outweigh the advantages.
<4
band
There are fewer controls over the designs and construction of home and office buildings. So, people can build them however they like. Do the advantages of this outweighs the disadvantages?
It is argued that less attention is paid on how people design their office or their home and they build them as they like. I believe there are several disadvantages which override the benefits.
8
band
You have received a letter from your bank, asking you to acknowledge receipt of a new bank card. However, the card was missing from the envelope. Write a letter to the bank's head office. In your letter: ● explain why you are writing ● express concern about the missing card ● ask them what they intend to do
I am writing this letter to inform you that a new debit card was missing from the envelope sent by the bank and I am concerned about it.
7.5
band
More and more people in developing countries are purchasing cars for the first time. What problems does this cause? What do you think is a possible solution?
An increasing number of cars are being purchased in developing nations. The principal problems this causes are pollution and traffic congestion, and the most viable solution is promoting the use of public transport.

Throughout history, people have dreamed of living in a perfect society. However, there is still no agreement about what a perfect society would be like. What, in your opinion, would be the most important element of a perfect society? What can people do to help create an ideal society?

Fully explain your ideas

There is too much new and information circulating on the internet nowadays. Is the information on the Internet reliable? How can it be controlled?

Some people believe that children should start learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

There are fewer controls over the designs and construction of home and office buildings. So, people can build them however they like. Do the advantages of this outweighs the disadvantages?

More and more people in developing countries are purchasing cars for the first time. What problems does this cause? What do you think is a possible solution?