Some children spent hours every day on their smartphones What is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Nowadays, more and more amount of minors
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
spending an enormous
time
on their mobile
phones
day by day. The following essay will point out several factors and the reasons for suchlike a phenomenon and, in my opinion, it is a negative development.
Firstly
, a dramatic rise in children’s phone use is a result of society’s change.
In other words
, people become more socially inactive, which means they are not able to communicate with each other and spend
time
together in real life.
Therefore
, minors were affected by that trend and they are addicted to their smartphones and social media.
In addition
, our century is
also
no longer just items surrounded by people and other things. Now, children are living modern life, as our technology and science developed incredibly and either a turn was obvious. Despite the all benefits of teenagers using
phones
, there are more drawbacks and I think it is a negative development. In detail, the children get only sickness and harm their well-being by wasting
time
on
phones
.
For example
, doctors proved the risks of losing the ability or quality of eyes after being involved with a mobile phone. Another drawback of the curler phenomenon is splitting from society,
consequently
losing major skills like communication and youngsters can destroy relationships with friends or others
due to
the lack of sufficient
time
.
For instance
, there was an accident where a child killed his own mother because of her requirement to stop sitting on the smartphone,
then
doctors confirmed his disrupted psychological state. In conclusion,
this
phenomenon of youngsters'
extremely enjoys
Replace the word
extreme enjoyment
show examples
of
phones
is caused by certain reasons
such
as a developed
time
and the community’s inactiveness. I think that it is a negative trend.
Submitted by 29th of april on

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task response
Your essay provides a general response to the task question, but the introduction and conclusion could be more clear and focused. Make sure to address the prompt directly in your introduction and restate your main points in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, but there are some issues with cohesion. Consider using transition words and phrases to better connect your ideas and improve the flow of the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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