IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Every country should have a free health service, even if this means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through the service because they are too expensive. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#country #health #service #treatments
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Some people think that the
government
Use synonyms
 should provide unpaid medical
treatment
Use synonyms
 including expensive cure methods. I firmly disagree with
this
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 idea, because
this
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 implementation will entail irreversible consequences.
This
Linking Words
 essay discusses these points with arguments and examples.
Firstly
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
free medical services can claim extra money from the
government
Use synonyms
. Often a
government
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 that has a centralized
healthcare
Use synonyms
system
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 has a preallocated budget and
then
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 creates an annual structured financial plan for the budget. In
this
Linking Words
 case, other sectors would suffer since most of the money will be used in the
healthcare
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
 for funding the medical
treatment
Use synonyms
 of the citizens.
In addition
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, the search for additional funding will require more time
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 would lead to bureaucracy issues.
The
Correct article usage
An
show examples
 example of wrong budget allocation is Cuba, where the
healthcare
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
 takes the majority of all
government
Use synonyms
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
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, so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
other industries
such
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 as
infrastructures
Fix the agreement mistake
infrastructure
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, transport,
agriculture
Correct word choice
and agriculture
show examples
 do not receive the necessary funding.
Secondly
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, the quality of care may decrease since the
government
Use synonyms
 may not provide the same level of quality of medical services as in a private
system
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. The ancient Greek physician Hippocrates said the possible words: "
those
Correct your spelling
Those
show examples
 who treat for free cease to appreciate the results of their
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
."
Such
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 consequences might negatively impact patient health.
This
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 means that patients who urgently need medical assistance may suffer.
For example
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, in the USSR in the 80-th century medicine in the West
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
made a breakthrough in computer diagnostics.
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However
Add a comma
,However
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 shortage
due to
Linking Words
 free medicine in the Soviet Countries entails
inability
Correct article usage
the inability
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 to obtain needed equipment for tomography.
Therefore
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, even those who could afford quality
treatment
Use synonyms
 could not receive it. As outlined above, free
healthcare
Use synonyms
 will cause additional problems for patients and the
healthcare
Use synonyms
system
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. Taking my above views into consideration, the idea of running free medical
treatment
Use synonyms
 cannot be supported.
Submitted by azatorazalin on

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