Some people think that the education system should only focus on preparing students for employment, while others believe it has other important functions. Discuss both side and then give your opinion

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While

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some

people

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believe the acquisition of knowledge on campuses is aiming to have a good career in later life, others hold opposite ideals by suggesting that educational institutions should pay more attention to cultivating young individuals with healthy personalities. I personally agree with the latter perspective,

due to

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the fact a gifted person with a twisted mind could conduct more negative effects on societies than positive ones.

To begin

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with, it is inevitable that outstanding performance in academic studies could provide students with more job opportunities following graduation. In many professional areas, including sciences and technologies, a higher educational level is essential for

people

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to conduct contributions in correlative fields.

For example

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, a scientist is expected to be equipped with sufficient knowledge regarding chemicals and pathology to work in pharmacy industries to cure various diseases.

That is

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one of the reasons why the majority of schools in Asia trade in the time used for unrelative courses

such

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as PE classes for more time to teach academic subjects, including mathematics and science.

On the other hand

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, the opponents argue that schools should provide more subjects aiming at developing good characteristics,

such

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as courtesy and compassion, which are essential for individuals to be good in society. The lack of correlative education nowadays caused various drawbacks in societies and lead to a surge in crime rate,

along with

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it, an indifferent living environment. I personally believe

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it is more important to form a positive personality than have achievements in academic areas since

people

Use synonyms

with the power of knowledge but no good intentions could derive counterproductivity. Take the USA as an example, after a long time of ignoring associative courses, authorities

finally

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make up their mind to focus on teaching children good behaviours at an early age. To summarise, one of the cogent causes of

people

Use synonyms

seeing the authorities of education as places to only enhance the ability in academic subjects for brighter careers is a promised future with brighter careers.

However

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, others insist that the quality of personalities

are

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equivalent to

the

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apply

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performance in an academic subject. From my perspective, I strongly agree that school institutions should put more effort into forming younger individuals with healthy personalities.

unapoya0916Mon Apr 17 2023

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10
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

365 words

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