IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that the government should strictly control the supply of fresh water, as it is a limited resource, while others it should not be regulated. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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There is an ongoing debate about whether the supply of fresh
water
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 should be highly regulated or should not be bounded by any
rules
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.
While
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 laws may be perceived as attempts to limit freedom, I believe that corresponding regulations should be as detailed as possible to help avoid potential conflicts where access to
water
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 can be used as a weapon. On the one hand, most
rules
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 may
cause
Verb problem
have
show examples
 an impact on already-formed habits, and breaking them may face backlashes. Throughout history, previous generations
came
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have come
show examples
 up with many traditions related to rivers and lakes.
Therefore
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, even very justifiable restrictions may not be faced friendly.
For example
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, in the Carpathian mountains locals were quite furious about losing legal ways to cut trees
due to
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 the growing population and frequent floodings. In my opinion, negative feelings should be taken into account in communications from officials, but they should not stop responding to the changing environment.
On the other hand
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, detailed
rules
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 about freshwater control can prevent upcoming international conflicts.
For example
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, China threatened India by redirecting the river which is a
water
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 supply for hundreds of millions of people. In case of well-defined consequences for
such
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 actions, the motivation to use
such
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 a cruel method will be much lower. In my opinion, the following decades have many hazards related to
water
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 wars and global warming, and well-development laws can prevent or reduce many of them.
To conclude
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,
although
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 strict
water
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 control may cause the feeling of lost freedom for some people, it is one of the most important priorities in the world with climate changes and more hostile relationships between countries. Defined
rules
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 bring certainty and reduce miscommunication.

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coherence cohesion
While the essay is generally well-organized, it could benefit from more explicit topic sentences in each paragraph. These would help to clearly outline the main point of each section and improve the overall flow.
task achievement
Some examples and points can be elaborated further. For instance, the example of the Carpathian mountains is relevant but could use more context to clarify its connection to the main argument.
coherence cohesion
Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and linking words to enhance the logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. This will make your writing more fluid and easier to follow.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument, providing a clear opinion that is supported by reasons and examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a strong introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the discussion and reinforce the writer's opinion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • limited resource
  • manage responsibly
  • shortages
  • environmental impact
  • over-extraction
  • wastage
  • quotas
  • pricing structures
  • efficient use
  • bureaucratic red tape
  • market mechanisms
  • competition, innovation, and investment
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