IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

1-Parents should take courses in parenting in order to improve the lives of their children. To what extent do you agree?

#courses #lives #children
to keep them ready for parenthood - to have
knowledge
To become
Change the verb form
Becoming
show examples
 a good parent is quite challenging and taking care of
youngs
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
 is not an easy job. I would argue that having them
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 class
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
knowledge
 on how to raise
children
 not only that it prepared them for the hardship of parenthood. I strongly agree with
this
 notion as
this
 these measures
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 essential in parenting.
Parents
 play a vital role in our
childrens
Change to a genitive case
children's
show examples
 lives,
therefore
 attending courses to improve their
children
's lives
keep
Correct subject-verb agreement
keeps
show examples
 them ready for any future difficulty of raising them. Youngster as we know is hard to manage, understand, and
demanding
Replace the word
demand
show examples
 that tend to test their patience to the limit. The
underpressure
Replace the word
pressure
show examples
 and untrained mother will react with unwanted actions
such
 as yelling and shaming, sometimes
leads
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
 to beating as punishment for their
misdemeanor
Change the spelling
misdemeanour
show examples
. If
parents
 are
will
Correct your spelling
well
show examples
 prepared, they can identify and able to
handled
Change the form of the verb
handle
show examples
 their
children
's
outburst
Fix the agreement mistake
outbursts
show examples
 and tantrums
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 allows them to handle
Add an article
the situation
show examples
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
 smoothly. Having
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
knowledge
 hinders care providers
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 giving emotional traumas to their young ones which can
acquired
Change the verb form
be acquired
acquire
show examples
 only by attending specialized
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 like courses
Correct pronoun usage
that emphazise
show examples
emphazise
Correct your spelling
emphasise
soley
Correct your spelling
solely
 on managing
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
 growth and development.
Hence
 a child with a parent that openly
support
Change the verb form
supports
show examples
,
listen
Correct subject-verb agreement
listens
show examples
, and in a harmonious family environment often
succeed
Correct subject-verb agreement
succeeds
show examples
 in their life and work endeavours.
However
, learning is not all happening inside the classroom, these can be achieved by seeing and listening to others in the community with
children
, and most of the
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 inside
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our homes. Like mirroring the way our
parents
 brought us into a
well mannered
Add a hyphen
well-mannered
show examples
, responsible, and
respectfull
Correct your spelling
respectful
 person that
this
connect
Change the verb form
connects
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 our childhood upbringing.
Although
,
this
 is not applicable to all since not everyone
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the same experienced and home environment, making guided learning effective. In
conlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, I strongly agree that it's a must for
parents
 to take courses in parenting in order to alleviate the lives of their
children
.
Although
, I acknowledge the merit of the
presonal
Correct your spelling
personal
experienced
Replace the word
experience
show examples
 can be
source
Add an article
a source
the source
show examples
 of good parenting, albeit it is not as effective with the right
knowledge
 that can be
aquired
Correct your spelling
acquired
 by professional guided learning.
Submitted by lsc_00000 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: