IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Write about the following topic: Few people devote time to hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effect this has on the individual and society in general. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 254 words.

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Hobbies
Use synonyms
 are a great way to spend free
time
Use synonyms
 in a relaxing and fruitful manner. Some argue that the
time
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 devoted to
hobbies
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 has been decreasing lately and it's causing harm to themself and the community at large.
This
Linking Words
 essay will dive into the reasons for
such
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 a decline and its impact. People are working more hours compared to the
last
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 few decades,
thus
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 eroding the
time
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 available for
leisure
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 activities. With rising inflation, many with limited income have decided to undertake multiple jobs to meet the expenditure. A recent survey in Australia suggests that more than 45% of the population is performing a secondary job to tackle the rising cost of living, resulting in fewer hours left for
leisure
Use synonyms
 activities.
Secondly
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, people are replacing their
hobbies
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 with entertainment to relieve stress. With easy access to media through Netflix and games through online gaming platforms, society has pivoted their
leisure
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 activity from
hobbies
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 to entertainment.
However
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, eroding
time
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 spent on
hobbies
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 is resulting in both health issues and a lack of satisfaction. Excessive
time
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 spent sitting on a sofa to consume movies or playing games has resulted in a lack of exercise,
whereas
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hobbies
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such
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 as gardening or hiking would lead to much better health and a sense of fulfilment.
Hobbies
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 are a form of passion,
thus
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 following
their
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 results in greater satisfaction that can't be second to any. In conclusion,
time
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 devoted to
hobbies
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 is in decline
due to
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 people working more hours and preferring entertainment over
leisure
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 activities.
However
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,
this
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 is causing health issues and
Correct article usage
a
show examples
lack of satisfaction. It would be wise to find a balance
such
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 that life is lived with purpose and harmony.

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The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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