IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think watching television is bad for children in every way other belive it is good for devolping children as they grow up discuss both views and give your own opinion

A fair portion of people
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
show examples
 that watching
television
Use synonyms
 is not good for
children
Use synonyms
 in every way other people opine that watching
television
Use synonyms
 improves their growing period.
This
Linking Words
 essay intends to analyse both sides of the argument and express my side of the argument On the one hand, nowadays most young ones are spending time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
television watching
Correct word order
watching television
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their
Correct word choice
and their
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 favourite
television
Use synonyms
 program.To be clearer, watching
television
Use synonyms
 for the entire period brings addictive behaviour in
children
Use synonyms
Linking Words
thus
Punctuation problem
; thus
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, the
children
Use synonyms
 will deviate from academic
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
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impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
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 their living standard.On top of that,the
children
Use synonyms
 become lazier to engage in any productive activity
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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this
Linking Words
 brings down
physical
Correct article usage
the physical
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 activity that they do in their regular routine.
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
,
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certain eye-related diseases may occur.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 watching
television
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
children
Punctuation problem
, children
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 benefit in many ways.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 enhances the
knowledge
Use synonyms
 of the
children
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 watching
Use synonyms
television
Correct article usage
a television
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 Program
that is
Linking Words
 related to information basis can widen the
knowledge
Use synonyms
 of the
children
Use synonyms
Linking Words
Moreover
Punctuation problem
. Moreover
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,the
children
Use synonyms
 can spend their valuable time with their
family
Punctuation problem
family,
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sp
Use the right word
so
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this
Linking Words
 can increase the bond between the family members
,
Punctuation problem
.
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As a
Linking Words
result
Punctuation problem
result,
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children
Use synonyms
 can
free
Verb problem
be free
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 from the hectic academic lifestyle Having Scurtinged both views, I have come to the point where the
children
Use synonyms
 need to watch the
television
Use synonyms
 because engaging in these activities can reduce the stress and strain they face in their academic life and
also
Linking Words
 the
children
Use synonyms
 can reduce the friendship with bad peer groups for certain level
as well as
Linking Words
 the
children
Use synonyms
 can broaden the
knowledge
Use synonyms
 about a certain field. So
this
Linking Words
 can take them to a good
the
Correct article usage
apply
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position
To sum up
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 a few people say
television
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 is bad ,I think
television
Use synonyms
 is good for
children
Use synonyms
's development
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
increase
Replace the word
as increasing
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 family bonding and sharpening
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
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knowledge
Use synonyms

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language
Fix spelling and grammar. Use simple words and short sentences. Read aloud to catch errors.
structure
Make each paragraph have one clear idea. Start with a topic sentence, finish with a small closing line.
content
Add specific examples from life or school to back up each point.
language
Use linking words carefully to show view and contrast, such as 'on one hand', 'on the other hand', 'for example', 'however'.
language
Keep long sentences short and clear. Break ideas into short parts.
content
The essay shows both sides and gives an opinion.
language
The use of 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' helps show both views.
structure
Conclusion states your view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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