IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

It is difficult for people living in cities to get enough physical exercise. What are the causes and what solutions can be taken to solve the problem?

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It is true that
people
Use synonyms
 living in urban cities are less likely to get sufficient physical exercise, which damages individuals to some extent.
This
Linking Words
 essay outlines the causes of
this
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 issue and provides measures to address the problem. There are several factors that lead to insufficient physical activity.
Firstly
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, the average green space per person owns is much lower than the health organisation suggests. With inadequate green space,
people
Use synonyms
 tend not to attend outdoor movements
such
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 as hiking and strolling and are more likely to participate in indoor activities.
Secondly
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, long working hours contribute to a low desire for exercise. Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 generally need to spend more than eight hours working per day,
not to mention
Linking Words
 those working in fast-paced industries. Most workers are worn out after work and do not require the energy to engage in sports activities.
However
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, there are steps that both government and individuals should take to tackle the problem. Fundamentally, the government should promote policies that encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to take part in physical engagements more frequently
as well as
Linking Words
 develop a habit of regular exercising.
In addition
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, individuals should take responsibility for their own health. Those who live in the hustle and bustle may hit the gym or do indoor physical movements,
such
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 as badminton and swimming.
Moreover
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, there are certain engagements like yoga and meditation, which
requires
Correct subject-verb agreement
require
show examples
 simply a little space. In conclusion, it is undoubtedly that
people
Use synonyms
 living in the cities have fewer exercise opportunities,
nevertheless
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, I believe various measures can be taken to decrease the harm of the issue.

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task response
Expand on the causes and provide more specific examples to support the points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one, and use transition words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • desk-bound jobs
  • fast-paced urban life
  • conveniences
  • physical exertion
  • barrier
  • densely populated
  • pollution
  • safety concerns
  • urban planning
  • pedestrian areas
  • cycle lanes
  • accessible
  • workplace wellness programs
  • subsidize
  • financial barriers
  • public awareness
  • incorporate
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