IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation
Nowadays, the competition among
people
 is increasing as technology is getting better.
Consequently
,
people
work
 extra
hours
 at
office
Add an article
the office
show examples
, and
therefore
, they have no
time
 for leisure activities. In my opinion, I think that working more
hours
 can bring serious problems for them compared to any advantages it might bring. Admittedly, there are some basic benefits for
people
 who
work
 for a long
time
 in
company
Correct article usage
a company
show examples
.
Firstly
,
people
 can earn more by working more in the firm.
As a result
, they can complete their goals.
For instance
, a person who
work
Change the verb form
works
show examples
 overtime in the office can complete their
dreams
Fix the agreement mistake
dream
show examples
 to buy a car for him.
Secondly
,
Add an article
the employee
an employee
show examples
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 should have encouraged by
Add an article
the employer
an employer
show examples
employer
Fix the agreement mistake
employers
show examples
 if they
work
hardly
Replace the word
hard
show examples
 in the firm, and they may have
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to promote to the upper level.
Furthermore
, those communities who
work
 for a long
time
 have more practical knowledge than others.
Nevertheless
, despite the advantages above, I believe adults could face serious drawbacks from working long
hours
. One potentially dangerous problem is that it
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
 away employees from their families.
In other words
,
people
 lose their value for their family, if they
work
 overtime. To illustrate
this
,
people
 cannot spend their valuable
time
 with family, so family members find it
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
routines
Fix the agreement mistake
routine
show examples
, and they are habituated
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 situation. Another obvious issue is that working long
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
 may
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
's health. They can suffer from
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
metal
Correct your spelling
mental
show examples
 health
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 in the foreseeable future. In conclusion, in today's era,
people
 are working more to achieve more success in their life.
Although
 it is beneficial to improve their financial security, it is much more detrimental for individuals who
work
 for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
long
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
. Working more
hours
 will harmful
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
people
's well-being.
Submitted by writing7 on

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
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