IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

some people who have been in prison become good citizens later. some say these are the best people to talk to school students about the dangers of committing a crime. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

#people #prison #citizens #say #school #students #dangers #crime
some individuals believe that those who become good citizens after being in prison should be encouraged to educate
youngsters
 about the potential dangers of
crime
 commitment. personally, I agree with
this
 viewpoint completely
although
 certain drawbacks of
this
 tendency need to be taken into consideration.
to begin
 with, ex-prisoners are supposed to be the best choice for the education of
crime
 because of their long-term experiences in jail. students are likely to have chances to enrich their knowledge of the dangers of committing evil
as well as
 the strict punishments.
therefore
, they would have a realistic view towards the
crime
 committed, which would help them to avoid becoming criminals.
for example
, in viet nam, ex-prisoners having good behaviours after being released from jail are offered to warn children about the potential risks with a view to eliminating any idea of committing a
crime
.
As a result
, the rate of criminals in
this
 country is incredibly low. in spite of the aforementioned arguments, there are still particular limitations that need to be taken into account. after staying in confinement, ex-criminals often have an adverse attitude towards the authority
due to
 their suffering
Change preposition
of
show examples
stringent punishments.
consequently
,
youngsters
 would form a false belief in their nations' political systems when ex-prisoners are allowed to communicate with them.
moreover
, police can make a contribution to the education of
youngsters
 about corruption, as they have an in-depth knowledge of laws and rules, which would be more effective than experiences in prison. in conclusion, I am of the opinion that education in
crime
 from ex-criminals should be encouraged, despite certain disadvantages.
therefore
, painstaking inspection is needed to ensure the safety of
youngsters
 in these activities.
Submitted by bobong120906 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rehabilitation
  • crime deterrence
  • authenticity
  • consequences
  • criminal justice system
  • incarceration
  • recidivism
  • inspire
  • glamorize
  • professional educators
  • law enforcement officers
  • second chances
  • personal growth
  • relatability
  • appropriateness
What to do next:
Look at other essays: