Mothers generally stay home to take care of their children after pregnancy. Do you support the opinion that this mothers should be compensated by the government.

#mothers #home #care #children #pregnancy #support #government

The 21st century has witnessed phenomena

such

as the IT revolution and globalization, because of which doors were opened for

women

to work in the industry. Nowadays, females are equally educated as men, but they must take a break from their professional tasks to bring up newborn babies. For

such

homemakers, in my view, the public authorities should provide support. The essay will discuss the reasons for

such

support.

Firstly

, once these ladies leave their jobs and start taking care of their upcoming generations, they are confined to the walls of a house,

therefore

, their social life is impacted, and

consequently

, they enter a stage of depression. A recent report published by the Ministry of Human Resources indicated that 90% of homemakers are mentally sick because of a lack of a friend circle.

Moreover

, these

women

are

Change preposition

apply

show examples

bringing the future of our nations, so the state should run some initiatives to keep their morale up so that they do a healthy rearing of future generations.

Secondly

, gradually with time

when

Rephrase

apply

show examples

these

women

stay away from business, so they are outdated;

hence

, when they come back, they cannot survive in

this

competitive world, so they are forced to leave their jobs.

For example

, 95% of the

women

who

starts

Correct subject-verb agreement

start

show examples

to work after maternity break leave their jobs, because they are not updated with the latest technology trends,

Furthermore

, the source of income of a family is decreased when only one parent is working,

as a result

, they are not able to impart good education to their children. To summarize, governments should bolster the mental health and social well-being of housewives so that they can lead a healthy life and impart good culture to future generations.

Submitted by vij.vinay on Tue Apr 18 2023

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task response

Your essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the task. It addresses the reasons for supporting homemakers and presents relevant examples to support your argument. Keep providing well-developed and clear responses like this.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of your essay is fairly good, with an introduction and conclusion present. However, ensure that your body paragraphs are well-organized to enhance coherence. Connect your ideas more effectively within and between paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

285 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Mothers generally stay home to take care of their children after pregnancy. Do you support the opinion that this mothers should be compensated by the government.

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

To meet the growing needs of food for the increasing population, country should make use of edible insects as foods. However, some people believe that insects are not only unhealthy but affect negatively the nature too. What are the benefits and drawbacks of eating insects?

The rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvantages?

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh its disadvantages?

Recently, many people know a few of their neighbors. What is the cause of the ‎problem? What can be done to solve the problem? Give reasons for your ‎answer and an example from your own experience.‎

Robots and artificial intelligence are being developed to replace humans in the workplace. Why is this happening? Do you think this will have a positive or negative inpact on society?