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Band 4.5

Many believe that the goal of one’s career should be to pursue a passion while others feel it is merely a way to earn a livelihood.

#one’s #career #passion #livelihood
A real problem in society
now a days
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
 is that everyone has the obligation to decide what to do for a living when they are very young, at around 18-20 years of age.
This
 leads to a real
dilema
Correct your spelling
dilemma
 that it is exactly what we need to discuss. The
dilema
Correct your spelling
dilemma
 is whether to choose a
career
 based on you´re
passion
 or based on a way to make money and earn a
liveleyhood
Correct your spelling
livelihood
.  For the first point,
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
you should choose based on
you're
Replace the word
your
show examples
passion
. There are a lot of arguments, some of them being the following if
Correct your spelling
you're
youre
Add a verb
isyoure
wasyoure
show examples
 not happy with the things
youre
Correct your spelling
you're
 doing
then
 you will not do them long enough to be worth it. If your
career
 is in fact based on a
passion
 of yours
then
 you are more likely to do them a lot better and do it very well
compaed
Correct your spelling
compared
 to something you dislike and
this
 might ultimately lead you to make a better livelihood and earn more money because employers usually hire people that are passionate about what they do. I personally agree with
this
 opinion.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 there are some other people that
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 the
opossite
Correct your spelling
opposite
 of the arguments that were just presented and agree with the statement
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
"you should choose
youre
Correct your spelling
your
career
 in order to make a good living". Some of the arguments are based on assumptions
a long
Correct your spelling
along
show examples
the
Change preposition
with the
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 lies that people that follow their
passion
 do not
ussually succed
Correct your spelling
usually succeed
economiclly
Correct your spelling
economically
. In
conclussion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, for the
dilema
Correct your spelling
dilemma
 of
Add a comma
,wether
show examples
wether
Correct your spelling
whether
show examples
 you should choose your
career
 based on your
passion
 or your
likelyhood
Correct your spelling
likelihood
 to make good
mony
Correct your spelling
money
. I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 and it is my opinion that if you have the assets, you should
allways
Correct your spelling
always
 follow your
passion
, adit is worth it to risk it for a chance at what you love.
Submitted by patriciareyesfiguero on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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