Many believe that the goal of one’s career should be to pursue a passion while others feel it is merely a way to earn a livelihood.

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A real problem in society
now a days
Correct the word
nowadays

The compound now a days appears to be incorrect. Consider changing it to the closed compound nowadays.

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is that everyone has the obligation to decide what to do for a living when they are very young, at around 18-20 years of age.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

leads to a real
dilema
Correct your spelling
dilemma

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that it is exactly what we need to discuss. The
dilema
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dilemma

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is whether to choose a
career
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

based on you´re
passion
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

or based on a way to make money and earn a
liveleyhood
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livelihood

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.  For the first point,
being
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb being appears to be unnecessary here.

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you should choose based on
you're
Replace the word
your

It appears that the contraction you're should be a possessive pronoun instead. Consider changing it.

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passion
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. There are a lot of arguments, some of them being the following if
Correct your spelling
you're

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youre
Add a verb
isyoure
wasyoure

Your sentence appears to be missing a verb.

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not happy with the things
youre
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you're

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doing
then
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

you will not do them long enough to be worth it. If your
career
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is in fact based on a
passion
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of yours
then
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

you are more likely to do them a lot better and do it very well
compaed
Correct your spelling
compared

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to something you dislike and
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

might ultimately lead you to make a better livelihood and earn more money because employers usually hire people that are passionate about what they do. I personally agree with
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

opinion.
On the other
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

hand
Add a comma
,hand

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase On the other hand. Consider adding a comma.

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there are some other people that
belive
Correct your spelling
believe

The word belive doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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the
opossite
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opposite

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of the arguments that were just presented and agree with the statement
of
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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"you should choose
youre
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your

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career
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in order to make a good living". Some of the arguments are based on assumptions
a long
Correct your spelling
along

The word a long seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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the
Change preposition
with the

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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lies that people that follow their
passion
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

do not
ussually succed
Correct your spelling
usually succeed

The words ussually succed seem to be misspelled. Consider replacing them.

economiclly
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economically

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. In
conclussion
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conclusion

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, for the
dilema
Correct your spelling
dilemma

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of
Add a comma
,wether
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wether
Correct your spelling
whether

The word wether doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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you should choose your
career
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

based on your
passion
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

or your
likelyhood
Correct your spelling
likelihood

If you don’t want likelyhood to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

to make good
mony
Correct your spelling
money

If you don’t want mony to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

. I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe

The word belive doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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and it is my opinion that if you have the assets, you should
allways
Correct your spelling
always

If you don’t want allways to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

follow your
passion
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, adit is worth it to risk it for a chance at what you love.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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