IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that it would be a good idea for schools to teach every young person how to be a good parent. Do you agree or disagree

#people #idea #schools #person #parent
There has been a debate over whether it is a decent strategy for schools to provide children with parenting lessons, or
it
Correct word choice
whether it
show examples
 is not worthwhile to teach that information in school. I strongly support the idea. In the following
paragraphs
Add a comma
,paragraphs
show examples
 the reasons behind the idea will be outlined.
To begin
 with, parenting is one of the most crucial duties which a person can experience within
lifetime
Add an article
a lifetime
the lifetime
show examples
. As it comprises nurturing another person in the way that
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is needed for the future.
hence
 a wise parent not only should take care of a child's physical needs, but
also
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has to be responsible for a child's mental health problems,
for
instance
Add the comma(s)
,instance
show examples
 it is highly needed for a pupil to be provided with proper education. A survey which has been done in an authentic university, released some statistics regarding more than 80% of a person's personality relied on the way he was treated in the ambience of home during the early ages.
Consequently
, since children's mind is capable of learning stuff in their childhood much easier than during adulthood,
therefore
, it would be helpful if parenting lessons are considered to be in their curriculum.
furthermore
, the lessons we learn in childhood would be instilled in our personality in adulthood. In conclusion, I believe it is highly recommended to
instill
Change the spelling
instil
show examples
 essential skills in children in order to make good parents out of them.
therefore
,
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 generation will benefit from healthier individuals.
Submitted by asmadehbozorgi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: