IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

More young people are now interested in becoming professional athletes than ever before. Is this a positive or a negative development?

#people #athletes #development
In
this
 contemporary era, there is no doubt that a lot of young
people
 want to become professional
sportsmans
Correct your spelling
sportsmen
show examples
, but not all
people
 consider that it is a good idea. In my point of view, big success in a sport is an amazing target for kids because it will help them develop their bodies and promote a healthy lifestyle. On the one side, sports activities are a good opportunity to be not only fit and healthy, but
also
 help them to build a strong character.
Moreover
, professional
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 teach
people
 how to be successful because athletes spend a lot of their time
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 various competitions.
For example
, it is known that Maria Sharapova, a famous tennis player from the Russian Federation, had serious problems with her health, but she solved them and became a winner in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 number of championships. On the other side, professional sportsmen are good examples because they may inspire
people
 to lead an active lifestyle.
Furthermore
, an active way of life is a good base to prevent a lot of diseases,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
caused by
hypodynamia
Correct your spelling
hyperdynamic
.
Thus
, professional athletes can prevent the epidemic of obesity and heart
diseases
Fix the agreement mistake
disease
show examples
. It is believed that after the "Olympic games" interest
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 sports activities rises significantly all around the world. 
To sum up
, in my point of view, increasing the number of
people
 who want to become professional
athlete
Fix the agreement mistake
athletes
show examples
 among young
people
 is a good thing because it is useful for their character and may
also
 help to change the lives of other
people
.
Submitted by engroutine on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: