In many countries, women are allowed to take maternity leave from their jobs during the first months after the birth of their babies. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
In most parts of the
world
females are granted q break from Add a comma
world,
work
after the delivery of a new baby. I argue that the downsides are more serious than it advantages and this
essay will elaborate more on them.
On one hand, there are numerous benefits of allowing women to take some leave from work
after welcoming a baby. Firstly
I believe this
would help the infant to be stronger and healthy
since the mother has enough Replace the word
healthier
time
to breastfeed them exclusively and take very good care of them. This
would go a long way to even save the government from spending huge budgets on pediatric hospitals and medicine because their mothers get ample time
for the child, so the infant will not frequently fall sick. Also
when mothers are on leave they are able to bond well with family and the baby which enables them to relax from the stress of work
and the difficulties I endure
during my pregnancy. For , example throughout my pregnancy I was depressed so the leave I got after delivery helped me to recover quickly as I spent quality Wrong verb form
endured
time
with loved ones and my child.
On the other hand
, I think that this
development has more negative effects the positive ones. I am saying this
because when women are off duty due to
family reasons it results in low production in the workplace as their absence will cause a shortage of staff. This
will directly affect the company's revenue generation and the country at large. It will cause more funds to employ new workers in other to boost production or could pay the available workers extra money to work
for more hours. Furthermore
, when they take a break from work
they still pay them, this
money could be used for something else is not fair. For ,instance after welcoming my first child I stayed home for about 6 months I was still recovering my salary.
In conclusion, in most ,nations females get some time
off work
after delivery. I am of the opinion that the drawbacks of the situation outweigh its benefits and I have clearly discussed them in the essay.Submitted by yeboahsamuellaabban on
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task achievement
Consider revising your thesis statement to clearly state your position. For example, use language such as 'the disadvantages outweigh the advantages' or 'the downsides are more significant than the benefits'.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to clearly illustrate your points. For instance, provide data or case studies about companies or countries that have implemented different maternity leave policies.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and sticks to it. Avoid mentioning unrelated ideas within the same paragraph. For example, discussing family bonds and personal stress in the same paragraph might make it less focused.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs to enhance readability. Use transition words and phrases more effectively, such as 'Furthermore', 'Additionally', or 'On the contrary'.
introduction
You provided a well-structured introduction and conclusion, which outline your main argument clearly.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a good range of vocabulary and attempts to discuss both advantages and disadvantages of maternity leave.
task achievement
Your arguments regarding the benefits of maternity leave like infant health and maternal well-being are presented well.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite