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Band 6.5

*In some countries unemployment is high, so some people think that children should only go to primary school and not to secondary school because they will not be able to find jobs in the future. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#*in #countries #unemployment #people #children #school #jobs #future
In recent years, many countries have been facing a high rate of unemployment. Some people believe that it is enough for
children
 to go to primary
school
 since studying in secondary
school
 will not provide more work opportunities.
However
, from my perspective, I disagree with
this
 statement and strongly believe that there have many benefits to going to secondary
school
. I will provide my opinions in the following essay.
To begin
 with, studying in secondary
school
 can open the door to better employment prospects. Compared to primary
school
, which only teaches
children
 how to behave well,
secondary
Add an article
the secondary
show examples
school
 provides the chance for
children
 to learn more subjects,
such
 as chemistry, politics and philosophy, which can boost
children
’s interests. When they finish
this
 stage of studying, they could better understand what they are truly interested in and choose their
further
 career direction.
In addition
, Secondary
school
 can provide specific knowledge and skills that can make people more likely to find work and earn a higher salary.
However
, some people hold
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 belief that finishing secondary
school
 will not provide more job opportunities. I would argue that not all
children
 who attend secondary
school
 aspire to work in the formal job market. Some
children
 may have different career goals,
such
 as starting their own business or being
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
creative
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
.
Additionally
,
secondary
Add an article
the secondary
show examples
school
 provides
children
 with critical thinking skills, problem-solving abilities, and knowledge that they can apply to many aspects of their lives, not just their future careers. In conclusion,
while
 high unemployment rates are a cause for concern, denying
children
 the opportunity to attend secondary
school
 is not the solution. I believe that secondary
school
 is crucial for providing
children
 with higher knowledge and skills, enabling them to achieve their life goals with ease.
Submitted by jelly11151437 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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