Schools are no longer necessary because children can get so much information available through the Internet, and they can study just as well at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#schools #children #information #internet #study #home

this

cyber era, the Internet is now becoming the most useful tool to search

information

Change preposition

for information

show examples

and acquire

knowledge

, some people suppose that

schools

will no longer

essential

Add a missing verb

be essential

show examples

and

children

can just stay at home to

study

strongly

Add a missing verb

am strongly

show examples

against

this

statement, and I will explain why in

this

essay.

Firstly

schools

are the best place to gain

knowledge

since teachers not only answer

children

’s questions but

also

explain

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

thoroughly

for

Change preposition

show examples

them.

Moreover

, the

knowledge

comes from

schools

in many sources

such

as in

extra-curriculars

Correct your spelling

extra-curricular

or experiments.

For instance

, many

children

in America have to dissect a frog to learn about their infants, and

this

will help the students have more experiences and easily remember the lesson.

Besides

, being monitored in educational progress may does wonder for

children

’s discipline and give them more motivation to

study

Furthermore

, students can

also

find out their advantages and disadvantages during they

study

schools

Fix the agreement mistake

school

show examples

because they must learn a lot of subjects and

may be

Correct your spelling

maybe

show examples

they will discover which they love and hate.

In addition

this

can help

children

orientate their future

occupation

Fix the agreement mistake

occupations

show examples

and career.

For example

, many

children

who love chemistry are having

tendency

Add an article

a tendency

the tendency

show examples

to become a scientist or a professor in

this

field.

Finally

, the time when

children

still learning at

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

school is great for sharpening their personal qualities .As students may not only

study

academic

knowledge

but

also

learn something about life from their teachers or even friends. In conclusion,

schools

still play a crucial role in our society and especially for

children

, so

that is

why I completely disagree that

children

can just stay at home to

study

Submitted by anh.nguyenquang on Thu Apr 20 2023

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

266 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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