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Band 5

Some people think that the only purpose of working hard is to earn money. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge.

#people #purpose #money
some
people
 believe that the way to earn money is
goal
Add an article
the goal
a goal
show examples
 of hard
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 so nowadays, individuals make a purpose to achieve their success. In my opinion, working hard is not
only
Add an article
the only
show examples
 way to earn money because there are several
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
show examples
 to be successful.
Firstly
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some countries has financial issues because
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
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 of
people
 find simple ways to get a job so the
white
Correct quantifier usage
number of white
show examples
 occupations have been decreasing since
beginning
Add an article
the beginning
show examples
 of
20th
Correct article usage
the 20th
show examples
 century.
Secondly
,
balance
Add an article
the balance
show examples
 of
work
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to be encouraged to improve developing countries.
In these
Change preposition
These
show examples
 days, individuals prefer
blue
Correct article usage
a blue
show examples
 job to
education
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the education
show examples
of
Change preposition
at
show examples
 university because they decide
easy
Change preposition
on easy
show examples
 ways to make
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
money.
Moreover
, some scientists said that purpose must be had in order to get more
motivation
.
On the other hand
,
people
 in developing counties have to gain
a knowledge
Remove the article
knowledge
a piece of knowledge
show examples
 from
university
Add an article
the university
show examples
after
Correct word choice
and after
show examples
 that decide occupation that comfort for them because uncomfortable
work
 has
negative
Add an article
a negative
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 effect
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
for example
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if someone had decided
wrong
Change the article
the wrong
show examples
 job, they could not feel happiness
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the life.
Furthermore
,
motivation
 is taken from
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 to
work
 hard. In my opinion,
Motivation
 is the most useful thing because it can help to
work
 in
hard
Correct article usage
a hard
show examples
 occupation so there
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 to be any special
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 for individuals.
To sum up
, everyone has to have several
purpose
Change to a plural noun
purposes
show examples
such
 as
choose
Wrong verb form
choosing
show examples
correct
Correct article usage
the correct
show examples
 occupation and
unisersity
Correct your spelling
university
 because some occupations have been
removing
Wrong verb form
removed
show examples
 to be
digital
Add an article
the digital
show examples
 world. The most
nessessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 thing is to gain and provide happiness
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 life.
Moreover
,
Motivation
 is provided
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
influncers
Correct your spelling
influencers
 who is
famous
Add an article
a famous
show examples
 person.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • intrinsic rewards
  • personal fulfillment
  • sense of purpose
  • contributing to society
  • practical aspect
  • personal growth
  • skills development
  • workaholism
  • work-life balance
  • innovation
  • financial gain
  • significantly
  • self-improvement
  • motivator
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