IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that using animals to test the safety of human medicines is cruel and unwarranted, whereas others feel it is a medical necessity. Discuss both views and state your own opinion.

#people #animals #test #safety #medicines #necessity
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In the past, a lot of animal assessments were done in order to analyse medicine, food, drugs and others in order to find out whether it is safe for the nation or not. As I am aware, a lot of experiments are still ongoing all over the world even though technology has developed. There are some crowds, who think that using
animals
Use synonyms
 for testing is abusing the power of the population and can be crucial for the life of the
animals
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.
On the other hand
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, there are societies that think that it is normal to inquire about something on
animals
Use synonyms
 before human use. Personally, I agree to experiment with medicines on
animals
Use synonyms
 for the reasons below. First of all,
animals
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 that are used for experiments do not have sensitive nerves, so they cannot feel everything
that is
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 done by them. Not all breeds of
animals
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 are used for the experiment, there are several breeds that are appropriate for trial. Let's take an example in the pharmacy sphere, as I know folk usually experiment with their products on small
animals
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.
However
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, I read an article from Harvard University that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
species like fish, mice and birds do not have organs that can feel a sense.
Therefore
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, even though experts try their pharmacy products on those small breeds they do not feel anything so it's not cruel to them.
Secondly
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, the organs of
animals
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 are very similar to those of human beings. Even though the appearance of
animals
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 and the public is quite different, their organs
such
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 as intestines and nerves are very close to each other. It proves that only animal experiments can show an exact result in order to prevent emergency events and develop better medicine to cure more communities.
For example
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, I heard that a new medicine that cures nerve cancer was launched and the analysis was done through mice.
Therefore
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, the result was 99% acceptable and trustworthy, so we can use it for the community.
To sum up
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, the two reasons that I described above prove that for developing new medicines that are not harmful to families, it is necessary to use
animals
Use synonyms
 as standard beds.
Submitted by rk99dk88 on

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task achievement
In your introduction, you clearly presented both views and stated your opinion, which is good. However, providing a brief overview of the points you will discuss can improve clarity.
task achievement
Your main points are well-explained, but consider adding more specific and relevant examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly by using transition words and phrases more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Although your conclusion summarizes the main points, make sure it directly addresses the task by restating your opinion clearly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in maintaining a structured response.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument before stating your opinion, ensuring a balanced discussion.
task achievement
The examples you used to support your points, such as referencing Harvard University and a new medicine curing nerve cancer, add credibility to your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • animal testing
  • ethical concerns
  • alternative methods
  • pain and distress
  • fatal outcomes
  • in vitro testing
  • computer modeling
  • human-patient simulators
  • necessary practice
  • medical advancement
  • physiological similarities
  • predicting human reactions
  • life-saving treatments
  • strict regulations
  • ethical guidelines
  • humane treatment
  • universal acceptance
  • alternative testing methods
  • safeguard human health
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