IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spend else where To what extend do you agree or disagree

#people #government #money #arts
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A fair portion of people think that the authority is wasting
money
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 on arts and that
this
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money
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 could
be spend
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be spent
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 better
elsewhere
Linking Words
This
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 essay intends to analyse
allocation
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the allocation
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 of
money
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 to various
sector
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 is best rather than investing in
art
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 I firmly agree with the statement To commence with, the authority can spend
the
Correct article usage
apply
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valuable
money
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 to
enfrastructure
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infrastructure
 facilities to boost
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economy
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the economy
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. To be clearer, the
through
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apply
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this
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 investment
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 the
citiyens
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citizens
 to have a better standard of living without any difficulties
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, as well as smooth functioning of the economy,
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as well as
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smooth
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the smooth
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 functioning of the
economy
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 can
also
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done
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be done
do
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.
For instance
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, most
of
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apply
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the
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apply
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nations are massively spending amount
in
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on
show examples
 infrastructure development to attain
number
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the number
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 one position in the whole world
thus
Linking Words
,
government
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 spend
money
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 on
these development
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this development
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 rather than
art
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 because the
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government
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government's
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 main revenue generation is through
tax payers
Correct your spelling
taxpayers
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. Yet another point to be noted is that
,
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apply
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administration
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the administration
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need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 to spend
money
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to
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on
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education
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the education
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sector
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 and
medical
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the medical
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sector
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 On top of that,
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government
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the government
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 should spend
money
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 to pump up new business To be precise, the
government
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 can make the
economy
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 more stable
while
Linking Words
 giving basic facilities and
the
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apply
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job opportunities.
For instance
Linking Words
, India is
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heavily
heavely
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heavily
 spending
money
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to
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on
show examples
 these facilities to make
the
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apply
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people
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people's
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life
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live
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 more fruitful
Hence
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,
the
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apply
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improve the standard of living
However
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, tourism
hold
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holds
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main
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the main
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 part of the
economy
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, the regime
need
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needs
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 to allocate some amount of
money
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 to develop
the
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apply
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art
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 because through these
art
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 forms culture is highlighted
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the pumping of
money
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to
Change preposition
into
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these
Change the determiner
this sector
these sectors
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sector
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 may improve the tourism industry
To sum up
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,
although
Linking Words
 few people convey that spending
money
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in
Change preposition
on
show examples
Correct your spelling
the
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they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
art
Use synonyms
 forms by the
government
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 I believe
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government
Add an article
the government
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 need to spend
money
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to
Change preposition
on
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other
Change the wording
another sector
other sectors
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sector
Use synonyms
Submitted by amilingeorge12345 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enriching society
  • promoting cultural understanding
  • development of talent
  • creative industries
  • economic benefits
  • generate revenue
  • cultural heritage
  • identity
  • prioritize spending
  • needs of the majority
What to do next:
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