IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Now a day the surveillance is happening at almost all public places. Is it good or perceived bad by people? What are advantages and disadvantages?

#surveillance #places #people
From the beginning, I think
people
 have a good perception
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
surveillances
Correct your spelling
surveillance
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
places
. There are some reasons, but I reckon that
surveillance
 through
Add an article
the camera
a camera
show examples
camera
Fix the agreement mistake
cameras
show examples
, called CCTV, can prevent lots of crimes and it can be
a evidence
Remove the article
evidence
a piece of evidence
a shred of evidence
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
people
's doing.
For example
, on broadcasting, we can hear many events of daily life. From
surveillance
, it can be good
evidences
Change the wording
evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
show examples
 to prove all situations or cases. So, lots of
people
 view
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 beneficial points. There are pros and cons
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
surveillance
. There are many advantages.
Firstly
, by
surveillancing
Correct your spelling
surveillance
, crimes can be lower rather than before when CCTV didn't exist. From
this
, it would be good
evidences
Change the wording
evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
show examples
 to prove them.
Also
, it can be used not only in crimes but
also
 in security.
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
 public
places
, many
people
 use that
places
. So,
for instance
, in parks, stores and buildings, it makes
people
 safe.
In contrast
,
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
 of
surveillance
 are that
people
 can feel no privacy. All activities are recorded so, there can not be a private. The other con is
surveillance
 can not be included
all
Change preposition
in all
show examples
places
. There can
be exist
Change the verb form
exist
show examples
 a space where it is not covered. So,
people
 try to cover all
places
 but it will not be easy. One more thing is that
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
surveillance
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 almost public
places
, it
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 a lot of costs.
Overall
, many
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
 and
nonbenefits
Correct your spelling
non-benefits
 of
surveillance
 in public
places
are exist
Change the verb form
exist
show examples
. But, I think there are more benefits
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 that. So, nowadays,
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
almost public
places
 do
surveillance
.
Submitted by nursemk1991 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Surveillance
  • Security
  • Crime prevention
  • Footage
  • Public safety
  • Privacy concerns
  • Consent
  • Distrust
  • Behaviour
  • Data management
  • Data breaches
  • Misuse of information
  • Targeting
  • Socio-political tensions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: