IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

People these days watches tv films and other programms alone rather than others .Do hte advantages of this developments outweigh disasvantages.

#people #watches #tv #films #programms #hte #developments #disasvantages
Nowadays, some
people
 have been addicting
Change preposition
to contents
show examples
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 on some platforms and television alone
instead
 of
spend
Change the verb form
spending
show examples
 time with other members. It has several drawbacks
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their health and mind. I will mention
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 cons and pros.
Firstly
, new
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 are manufactured by
influnsers
Correct your spelling
influencers
 who give advertisement for their life but these contents have negative
effect
Change the noun form
effects
show examples
such
 as artificial news and bad habit so social applications should be banned to gain positive knowledge for
sociaty
Correct your spelling
society
.
Moreover
, there
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to be
monitor
Wrong verb form
monitoring
show examples
 in order to monitor how long time watch
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
television by their parents because observing alone has a lot of
disadventages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
such
 as, stress,
depress
Replace the word
depression
show examples
 and
addict
Replace the word
addiction
show examples
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 wrong news so in my opinion,
people
 who are observing alone might be
introvert
Replace the word
introverted
show examples
 because they can not make a conversation with other
other
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
people
.
On the other hand
,
In
Change the preposition
At
show examples
 the beginning of the 20th
centery
Correct your spelling
century
cemetery
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 prefer using their technology to gain
a knowledge
Remove the article
knowledge
a piece of knowledge
show examples
 from some sites and on the television but in my opinion, interacting with individuals is better than consuming mobile phones so it is possible to get more information about the world for introverts
due to
 it can assist them to be
ambrivert
Correct your spelling
ambivert
ambiverts
.
In addition
, technology has been increasing
dramaticlly
Correct your spelling
dramatically
 so individuals are following the way
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
, sometimes they have to do exercise in order to relax their mind.
To sum up
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 get mental damage
as
Change preposition
from
show examples
 technology and
Add a missing verb
are physicly
show examples
physicly
Correct your spelling
physically
 tired
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
,
people
 who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 positive life habitat always make
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conversation with other individuals to gain
a knowledge
Remove the article
knowledge
a piece of knowledge
show examples
.
Submitted by tuuguu67 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: