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Band 5

People these days watches tv films and other programms alone rather than others .Do hte advantages of this developments outweigh disasvantages.

#people #watches #tv #films #programms #hte #developments #disasvantages
Nowadays, some
people
 have been addicting
Change preposition
to contents
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contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
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 on some platforms and television alone
instead
 of
spend
Change the verb form
spending
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 time with other members. It has several drawbacks
for
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to
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 their health and mind. I will mention
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 cons and pros.
Firstly
, new
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
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 are manufactured by
influnsers
Correct your spelling
influencers
 who give advertisement for their life but these contents have negative
effect
Change the noun form
effects
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such
 as artificial news and bad habit so social applications should be banned to gain positive knowledge for
sociaty
Correct your spelling
society
.
Moreover
, there
need
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needs
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 to be
monitor
Wrong verb form
monitoring
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 in order to monitor how long time watch
on
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apply
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television by their parents because observing alone has a lot of
disadventages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
such
 as, stress,
depress
Replace the word
depression
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 and
addict
Replace the word
addiction
show examples
on
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to
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 wrong news so in my opinion,
people
 who are observing alone might be
introvert
Replace the word
introverted
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 because they can not make a conversation with other
other
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apply
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people
.
On the other hand
,
In
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At
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 the beginning of the 20th
centery
Correct your spelling
century
cemetery
, most
of
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apply
show examples
people
Add an article
the people
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 prefer using their technology to gain
a knowledge
Remove the article
knowledge
a piece of knowledge
show examples
 from some sites and on the television but in my opinion, interacting with individuals is better than consuming mobile phones so it is possible to get more information about the world for introverts
due to
 it can assist them to be
ambrivert
Correct your spelling
ambivert
ambiverts
.
In addition
, technology has been increasing
dramaticlly
Correct your spelling
dramatically
 so individuals are following the way
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
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, sometimes they have to do exercise in order to relax their mind.
To sum up
,
in
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apply
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these days, most
of
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apply
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people
Add an article
the people
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 get mental damage
as
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from
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 technology and
Add a missing verb
are physicly
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physicly
Correct your spelling
physically
 tired
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
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,
people
 who
has
Change the verb form
have
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 positive life habitat always make
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conversation with other individuals to gain
a knowledge
Remove the article
knowledge
a piece of knowledge
show examples
.
Submitted by tuuguu67 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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