IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #money #poverty #aid
Some
people
 say that developed
countries
 used to help poor
countries
 by giving them money.
However
, others argue that
this
 method does not work anymore and they should try to find another way to help those
countries
 other than financial aid. In general, I agree that there are many ways for developed
countries
 to help poor
countries
besides
 financial aid. Financial aid is one of the crucial things in poor
countries
. Some of the developed
countries
 are good at financial. They can share how to manage their finances by giving them support with the material.
For example
, America gives full support to Timor Leste to solve their problem in product export. They plant modal in the
countries
 so they can
also
 have benefit from solving the problems.
On the contrary
, money is not the only solution to
countries
' problems. There are a lot of problems that are solved without giving money.
For example
, Australia gives scholarships for Indonesian students to study abroad. After the students graduate from their schools, they would send them back to contribute to their
country
.
This
 method could help poor
countries
 produce good quality
people
 who finish their studies. They
also
 might reduce the percentage of unemployment in a
country
. So, they would increase the number of
people
 who work and develop the
country
. Rich
countries
 may share strategies to develop a
country
.
People
 who work in government areas
such
 as politics and civil service might have a study tour to developed
countries
 to know how they manage their
countries
 and how they build their rules. At
this
 point, they might have an idea to copy other
countries
' methods and apply them to their
countries
. It
also
 affects human resources because they could broaden their knowledge and think creatively to build their
countries
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are more clearly defined. The introduction should clearly state your position, while the conclusion should effectively summarize your arguments and restate your opinion.
development
Develop each paragraph with a clear main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. Make sure every paragraph contributes to your overall argument and maintains focus.
cohesion
Use transition words and phrases to better connect your ideas and ensure smooth progression from one paragraph to the next.
task response
In your essay, expand your ideas further and explain how the alternative methods of help might be more effective than financial aid. This will provide a clearer and more comprehensive response to the task.
examples
Include more relevant examples and ensure they are clearly linked to your main points. This will help demonstrate the validity of your arguments and also make your essay more persuasive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • poverty alleviation
  • economic inequality
  • developing nations
  • foreign aid
  • sustainable growth
  • technical assistance
  • expertise
  • infrastructure
  • education
  • fair trade
  • trade barriers
  • sustainable development
  • environmental conservation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: