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Band 5

Now a day the surveillance is happening at almost all public places. Is it good or perceived bad by people? What are advantages and disadvantages?

#surveillance #places #people
With technological advancement and artificial
intelligence
Add a comma
,intelligence
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 the system is becoming stronger and
secure
Correct quantifier usage
more secure
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. Whether
surveillance
 systems is constructive
and
Correct word choice
or
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 destructive approach is
highly
Correct article usage
a highly
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 debated topic these days. There are several advantages and disadvantages
of
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to
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this
 statement. One evident merit is having installed cameras
at
Change preposition
in
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 public places
promote
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promotes
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 secure environment.
This
 is because these cameras are helping
administration
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the administration
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 to keep
the
Correct article usage
a
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 record of unwanted thefts and crimes.
For
example
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,example
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example
Remove the redundancy
apply
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,
American
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the American
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 police in 2010, was able to
found
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find
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 a gang of 10 people who were involved in different crimes with the help of these cameras that were present in
garden
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gardens
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, malls and on the streets. Another auspicious side of having
surveillance
 on traffic lights is to track the people who
violates
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violate
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 the traffic rules.
This
 helps Government to promise
the
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apply
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safety by preventing
the
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apply
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road side accidents by strict watch by
these camera
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this camera
these cameras
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 all the time.
Apart from
this
, in India it is not common to express
the
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apply
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feeling in
the
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apply
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public,
hence
 these activities are restricted and
enhancing
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enhance
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 the obedient culture of
country
Add an article
the country
a country
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.
However
, there are some obvious drawbacks as well that cannot be ignored.
Firstly
,
surveillance
camera
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cameras
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 are not accurate every time.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technological breakdown or wrong interpretations may release a wrong message to the public.
Secondly
, there is
threat
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the threat
a threat
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 of data leaking which may hinder someone’s privacy and safety. In conclusion,
while
i
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I
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 accept that there are
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 demerits of having
surveillance
Correct article usage
a surveillance
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system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
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 and can
bệ
Correct your spelling
be
 strength by improving
thẻ
Correct your spelling
the
 systems. I believe it
os
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is
show examples
constructive
Correct article usage
a constructive
show examples
 approach
due to
 various benefits.
Submitted by Navneet Dhand on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Surveillance
  • Security
  • Crime prevention
  • Footage
  • Public safety
  • Privacy concerns
  • Consent
  • Distrust
  • Behaviour
  • Data management
  • Data breaches
  • Misuse of information
  • Targeting
  • Socio-political tensions
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