in many countries today, if people want to find a job , they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #job #move #friends #families #development

it is true that more and more

people

have the tendency

of moving

Change preposition

to move

show examples

away from their family members and friends to other areas in order to have more opportunities in work. personally, I hold the belief that the benefits of

this

trend are overshadowed by its drawbacks. on the one hand, the potential advantages of

this

tendency need to be taken into consideration. it is worth mentioning that migrating to new regions helps

people

to get out of their comfort zones because they can broaden their horizons significantly about other cultures and traditions

as well as

enlarge their social circles.

moreover

people

can find a variety of occupations with well-paid salaries in metropolitan areas, which would satisfy their high demand.

for example

, in Vietnam, youngsters often decide to move to

ha noi

Correct your spelling

Ha Noi

show examples

ho chi minh city

Correct your spelling

Ho Chi Minh City

show examples

without their parents because of the availability of jobs.

consequently

, they have not only a better standard of living but

also

stable jobs.

on the other hand

, I strongly believe that the trend of moving away from families and friends has certain negative impacts on

people

firstly

, many

people

are under pressure

of working

Change preposition

to work

show examples

, so they need encouragement from their parents and acquaintances to have more motivation to work.

As a result

, the lack of families is likely to lead to mental problems,

such

as depression, which would affect adversely their

overall

well-being.

furthermore

, financial

supports

Fix the agreement mistake

support

show examples

play

Correct subject-verb agreement

plays

show examples

a crucial role, especially with youngsters. without assistance from parents, they are unable to pay a myriad of high bills in urban areas, so these

people

may need to live in impoverished conditions. in conclusion, I am of the opinion that the merits of

this

development are eclipsed by its demerits.

therefore

, it is advisable for

people

to keep in touch with their families and friends frequently to ensure their physical and mental health.

Submitted by bobong120906 on Sat Apr 22 2023

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

308 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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in many countries today, if people want to find a job , they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Many people nowadays live in societies where consumer goods are relatively cheap Do you thing the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

The promoters of social media claim that they are connecting people and enabling people to share like never before. While critics claim that social media site often impinges upon one’s privacy. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, the ratio of diseases triggered by manufactured foods has been increasing around the world. However, many people still prefer to eat them as the staple due to the inexpensive price. I strongly agree with the opinion that processed foods should be made more expensive than now.

In most developed countries shopping is not only about buying the goods you need, it is also perceived as entertainment. Is it a positive or negative development?