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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

A successful person is one who has earned a lot of money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#person #money
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Success has always been one of the most vital achievements for human beings.
During
Change preposition
Over
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 the years,
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
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 of different meanings appeared for
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon and some
people
Use synonyms
 claim that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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success is measurable by
money
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I intend to delve into
this
Linking Words
 topic and eventually
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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express my opinion. On the one hand, it is undoubtedly the case that
money
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
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 impactful tool
Linking Words
this days
Change the determiner
this day
these days
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. If a person
suffer
Change the verb form
suffers
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 from poverty,
it
Correct pronoun usage
he
she
show examples
 is seen as weak, incapable of dealing with the pace of
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
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 world and even unwise.
Therefore
Linking Words
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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individuals exalt wealth as the highest value.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some are willing to abandon their families and friends at the expense of financial
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent years has
became
Change the form of the verb
become
show examples
 common for married couples to not have a child
due to
Linking Words
 their busy schedule and work responses.
Also
Linking Words
,
money
Use synonyms
 enables
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 to enjoy numerous pleasures, which are unavailable for the poor,
such
Linking Words
 as luxury vehicles,
travels
Correct subject-verb agreement
travel
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 around the world, huge homes, etc. On the other side of the argument, I firmly believe that there are far more crucial things in life than
money
Use synonyms
 even in
this
Linking Words
 consumerist time.
Firstly
Linking Words
, health is essential to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 and actually, without
it
Correct pronoun usage
it it
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 is impossible to achieve anything else.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
,example
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 if a person is rich but ill his, property will lose its value because its owner cannot spend his
money
Use synonyms
 knowing that his life is in danger.
Secondly
Linking Words
, I feel that family is
above all
Linking Words
 and any
money
Use synonyms
 will not buy anyone the warmth and support that loved ones give. The best feeling for anyone is to feel loved and to know that whatever happens his family is behind you. To put it in the nutshell, I pen down saying that
money
Use synonyms
 is needed, but
people
Use synonyms
 should be aware that with them they cannot buy happiness.
This
Linking Words
 means
thah
Correct your spelling
that
 there are other meaningful things in our short life, and
money
Use synonyms
 must not blind us.
Submitted by elitsankova2005 on

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