IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

A successful person is one who has earned a lot of money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#person #money
Success has always been one of the most vital achievements for human beings.
During
Change preposition
Over
show examples
 the years,
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
 of different meanings appeared for
this
 phenomenon and some
people
 claim that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success is measurable by
money
. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I intend to delve into
this
 topic and eventually
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
express my opinion. On the one hand, it is undoubtedly the case that
money
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 impactful tool
this days
Change the determiner
this day
these days
show examples
. If a person
suffer
Change the verb form
suffers
show examples
 from poverty,
it
Correct pronoun usage
he
she
show examples
 is seen as weak, incapable of dealing with the pace of
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
 world and even unwise.
Therefore
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals exalt wealth as the highest value.
Moreover
, some are willing to abandon their families and friends at the expense of financial
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
.
For instance
, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent years has
became
Change the form of the verb
become
show examples
 common for married couples to not have a child
due to
 their busy schedule and work responses.
Also
,
money
 enables
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 to enjoy numerous pleasures, which are unavailable for the poor,
such
 as luxury vehicles,
travels
Correct subject-verb agreement
travel
show examples
 around the world, huge homes, etc. On the other side of the argument, I firmly believe that there are far more crucial things in life than
money
 even in
this
 consumerist time.
Firstly
, health is essential to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 and actually, without
it
Correct pronoun usage
it it
show examples
 is impossible to achieve anything else.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 if a person is rich but ill his, property will lose its value because its owner cannot spend his
money
 knowing that his life is in danger.
Secondly
, I feel that family is
above all
 and any
money
 will not buy anyone the warmth and support that loved ones give. The best feeling for anyone is to feel loved and to know that whatever happens his family is behind you. To put it in the nutshell, I pen down saying that
money
 is needed, but
people
 should be aware that with them they cannot buy happiness.
This
 means
thah
Correct your spelling
that
 there are other meaningful things in our short life, and
money
 must not blind us.
Submitted by elitsankova2005 on

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