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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graphs below compare the number of cosmetic procedures performed on males and females in Korea in 2004. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs below compare the number of cosmetic procedures performed on males and females in Korea in 2004. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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To begin
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, the bar charts illustrate the cosmetic methods performed on Korean
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 in 2004. Eyelid surgery was the most popular process among
women
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while
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 most
men
Use synonyms
 preferred hair transplantation.
Overall
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, cosmetic operations were more popular among
women
Use synonyms
 in Korea than
men
Use synonyms
 in 2004.
Firstly
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, the least famous surgeries were liposuction and facelift among females and males respectively. Rhinoplasty and laser skin resurfacing were performed on both genders.
Moreover
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, the number of rhinoplasty surgeries performed on
women
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 was about five times higher than that of
men
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whereas
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, the number of laser skin surfing processes conducted on
men
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 was about four times lesser than that of
women
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.
Furthermore
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, breast enlargement was the second least famous surgery among
women
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 in 2004 which was around 150.
Additionally
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, facelift and abdominoplasty methods were the lowest-performed operations in
men
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 where both showed values lower than 20.The count of eyelid surgeries received by
women
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 in 2004 was more than five times greater than that of the hair transplantation procedures tested on
men
Use synonyms
.

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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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