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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph line shows radio and television audience throughout the day in 1992.

The graph line shows radio and television audience throughout the day in 1992.
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The
line
Use synonyms
 chart illustrates some information on the audience of
radio
Use synonyms
 and television all day long/ in a
24 hour
Add a hyphen
24-hour
show examples
 period in 1992.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is obvious that
radio
Use synonyms
audience
Fix the agreement mistake
audiences
show examples
 have a lowest point after night time and
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 highest point during the morning.
As well as
Linking Words
 television
line
Use synonyms
 shows that it has two essential time
increase
Fix the agreement mistake
increases
show examples
 during
evening
Correct article usage
the evening
show examples
 and the main lower percentage in the early day.
According to
Linking Words
Use synonyms
radio
Correct article usage
the radio
show examples
line
Use synonyms
 the percentage of
audience
Add an article
the audience
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased between 7.00 and 9.00 which is the highest mark
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
Use synonyms
radio
Correct article usage
the radio
show examples
line
Use synonyms
however
Linking Words
 in
this
Linking Words
 graph there is another secondary higher point (approximately 15%) from 15:00 to 17:00.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 the chart two decreasing time exist. With regard to the
TV
Use synonyms
, at 1 am. there were under 10% people watching
TV
Use synonyms
.
As well as
Linking Words
 nearly at 11 am approximately 4 percentage of people is watching
TV
Use synonyms
. There were gradual/ steady increase in people watching
TV
Use synonyms
 at 13 a.m afterwards,
this
Linking Words
 figure was peaking at nearing 45% at about 9 pm.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
at the end
Linking Words
 of the day, there was a considerable drop in viewer circa 20%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "as well as, by contrast".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words line, radio, tv with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • audience sizes
  • peak times
  • commuting
  • trends
  • prime time
  • fluctuating
  • lifestyle
  • technological advancements
  • engaging content
  • work schedules
  • gradual decline
  • habits
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