IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that the best way to deal with heavy traffic in city centers is for privately owned cars to be banned, others however, think this is an unrealistic solution. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #traffic #city #centers #cars
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no doubt
traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion is a major concern in
city
Use synonyms
 downtowns.
However
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 some believe that
this
Linking Words
 problem could be resolved by forbidding private
cars
Use synonyms
 from entering the
centres
Use synonyms
, I think
this
Linking Words
 solution is impractical and unfeasible.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the public is highly suggested to select public
transport
Use synonyms
 when travelling to
city
Use synonyms
centres
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of using privately owned
cars
Use synonyms
 to alleviate heavy
traffic
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because there is usually limited road space in
city
Use synonyms
 hubs
while
Linking Words
 the amount of passengers and vehicles could be tremendous.
For instance
Linking Words
, some cities advise commuters to use a park-and-ride service which allows them to park their vehicles at a
transport
Use synonyms
 connection and
then
Linking Words
 take public
transport
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as trains and trams to go to the
centres
Use synonyms
. The argument goes that if
cars
Use synonyms
 were banned from entering the
centres
Use synonyms
, there would be fewer
traffic
Use synonyms
 jams.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, I think stopping people from driving their own
cars
Use synonyms
 to the downtowns is an impractical idea for several reasons. First and foremost, many people may not have access to public
transport
Use synonyms
, and driving by themselves might be the only possible way to get to
city
Use synonyms
centres
Use synonyms
 for work, study, or running errands.
Secondly
Linking Words
, driving one's own car in most cases is more time-efficient compared to using public
transport
Use synonyms
 as there seems to be more variations for the latter.
For example
Linking Words
, it is reported that travellers in Melbourne frequently encounter unexpected road modifications or changes in time when they take a train.
Conversely
Linking Words
, driving one's own car allows more flexibility and drivers can make adjustments in the face of unexpected situations. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 getting rid of private
cars
Use synonyms
 in
city
Use synonyms
centres
Use synonyms
 might drastically reduce
traffic
Use synonyms
 jams,
this
Linking Words
 is an unrealistic suggestion on the basis that travellers have to take into consideration public
transport
Use synonyms
 accessibility and time efficiency.
Submitted by runyaokou on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a slightly more in-depth discussion of the opposing viewpoint. Consider adding another supporting point or example for the view that banning private cars is not practical, to balance the argument sections more effectively.
task achievement
While your ideas are clearly presented, try to make your supporting arguments even more robust with additional specific examples or data. This will strengthen your position and showcase your ability to provide detailed support for your viewpoints.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay contains a well-defined introduction and conclusion, which effectively summarize your main points and provide a clear resolution to the discussion.
supported main points
You have effectively supported your main points with relevant examples, such as the park-and-ride service and the public transport issues in Melbourne.
logical structure
The logical structure of your essay is clear, and your arguments flow well from one point to the next. Your use of linking phrases, such as "Firstly" and "Nevertheless," helps guide the reader through your argument.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: