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Band 3

Many people are involved in sports when they are young but stop once they are adult, why do many adults stop doing physical exercise? what can be done about this problem.

#people #sports #adult #adults #exercise
Many
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 participate in games during their 20's.
However
,
after
this
 period they generally tend to avoid playing
sports
.
Number
Change the article
A number
The number
show examples
 of reasons
Add a missing verb
are attributes
show examples
attributes
Wrong verb form
attributed
show examples
 to
this
 situation which has
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 own solutions. Both
cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
show examples
 and remedies are discussed in
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
 paragraphs. One of the prominent
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 is physical stability. At
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
age
Add a comma
,age
show examples
 a person's muscular and bone strength is high which tends to lessen after
certain
Add an article
a certain
show examples
 age. Another reason is responsibility towards family. After getting married, people do not get enough
time
 for physical
acitivity
Correct your spelling
activity
 as their
time
 is divided between family and office. A recent survey of
individual's
Change noun form
individuals
show examples
 in
Correct pronoun usage
their 30's
show examples
30's
Fix apostrophe usage
'30s
show examples
 has reported that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 75 persons out of 100
are has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 not played their favourite
sports
 since completion of school. In order to
cop
Correct your spelling
cope
show examples
up
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 situation, a company should open up a
sports
 pool for
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 employees so that they can spend free
time
 after physical exercise. In
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 sector, there should be
handsome
Add an article
a handsome
show examples
reward
Fix the agreement mistake
rewards
show examples
 for
sports
 players in order to motivate them.
For example
, if a player wins
medal
Add an article
a medal
the medal
show examples
 for his state, he should be promoted earlier. In conclusion, though there are many obstacles
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
persitant
Correct your spelling
persistent
 interest in playing
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
, devoting
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
sports
 is necessary for good health.
Submitted by robinmacwan on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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