IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that dangerous sport should be banned while others believe that people should be free to choose. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people argue that risky
sports
Use synonyms
 like skydiving and bungee jumping should be prohibited,
whereas
Linking Words
 others argue that people should have to choose. I believe that extreme play should not be banned, but it must be controlled. On the one hand, many extreme
games
Check wording
sports
show examples
 can lead to severe accidents because of unsafe conditions.
In other words
Linking Words
, these events are
organized
Use the right word
organised
show examples
 and conducted by non-professionals, and in most cases, they do not follow safety precautions and safety equipment, resulting in the young generation with adventurous personalities becoming disabled or dying.
In addition
Linking Words
, some activities can cause harm to other people or their
properties
Fix the agreement mistake
property
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, in city street bike races, when bikes go through city traffic, many dangerous incidents can happen not only to motorcyclists
as well
Rephrase
but also
show examples
 to pedestrians and cars.
However
Linking Words
, I believe these indicators can be controlled by laws and regulations.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
folk
Fix the agreement mistake
folks
show examples
 should be free to do whatever they want, whether it is safe or dangerous. Everyone in the world is not the same; they all fit into different stereotypes. Some
public
Check wording
people
show examples
enjoys
Correct subject-verb agreement
enjoy
show examples
 music,
while
Linking Words
 others enjoy extreme
sports
Use synonyms
 because they are physically active. If the government prohibits
such
Linking Words
 games, they may engage in anti-social activities
such
Linking Words
 as robbery
due to
Linking Words
 their high adrenaline levels.
As a result
Linking Words
, they may eventually become a criminal. I believe that extreme
games
Check wording
sports
show examples
 should not be prohibited because they help to control the outliers in our society, and
this
Linking Words
 benefit outweighs any potential disadvantages. In conclusion, dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
 can cause serious injuries, but
this
Linking Words
 can be avoided by enforcing rules and regulations;
additionally
Linking Words
,
sports
Use synonyms
 bans can cause social problems
due to
Linking Words
 the extreme crimes they can incite.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your position on the topic in the introduction. Your opinion should be easy to find.
coherence and cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more clearly. Use linking words to show how your points relate to each other.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This will help make your argument stronger and clearer.
task achievement
You presented both views on the topic clearly, showing good understanding of the discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your points and restates your opinion, which is a good practice.
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