IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many people say the gap between the rich and the poor people is wider, as rich people become richer, poor people become poorer. What problems could this situation cause and what measures can be done to address these problems?\

#people #gap #situation #measures #address
There is a clear difference between rich and poor
people
 or
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
, the gap is very noticeable since rich
people
 are becoming richer, and meanwhile, poor
people
 are becoming poorer.
This
 becomes and creates many problems in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, so in
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will be addressing possible solutions for the situation. In my opinion, to solve
this
 problem is necessary to receive support from external
people
 and organizations. It is a fact that the situation happening nowadays
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is related to
help
Wrong verb form
helping
show examples
people
 ask,
however
, they
doesn't
Change the verb form
don't
show examples
 believe that the problem is real even when it really is affecting a lot of human beings,
in other words
, the rich communities are not making or even trying to change something to at least help a little or provide aid or solutions. From my point of view, a very useful solution would be
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
gobernment
Correct your spelling
government
 to involucrate and get involved in the possible ways to help.
Secondly
,
including
Change preposition
by including
show examples
 both the
gobernment
Correct your spelling
government
 and some organizations
out
Change preposition
outside
show examples
 of the
gobernment
Correct your spelling
government
, even specific parts of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society we could create a helpful solution mostly for the poorest
people
, but
comming
Correct your spelling
coming
 from the richest ones.
As a result
 of
this
Add a comma
,this
show examples
 we can implement controls
according to
 how much money
does
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
that
people
earns
Change the verb form
earn
show examples
 and be more just comparing to the amount of earning the poorest
people
 have. In conclusion,
this
 situation
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 changed
dramaticly
Correct your spelling
dramatically
 through
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 and a million solutions have been proposed, so in my opinion, all
people
 should get in involved and be more careful and
caring
Wrong verb form
care
show examples
 more about
incomes
Correct article usage
the incomes
show examples
 and quantities of
earning
Correct your spelling
earnings
show examples
people
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
gets
Change the verb form
got
show examples
 throughout time.
Submitted by patriciareyesfiguero on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: