IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below shows female unemployment rates in each country of the United Kingdom in 2013 and 2014.

The graph below shows female unemployment rates in each country of the United Kingdom in 2013 and 2014.
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The line graph illustrates the changes in four village libraries over 4 months,
while
Linking Words
 the
pie
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
 displays
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
show examples
 of types of
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
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 borrowed.
Overall
Linking Words
, the graph indicated significant fluctuations , with some places showing growth and others experiencing a decline, apart from a
pie
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
represented
Wrong verb form
representing
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 the percentage amount of fiction, history, science, biography and self-help
books
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.
According to
Linking Words
 the figure , West Eaton and Church Mount started with the smallest number in June,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
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 it had a steady increase over the months, rising from 50 to 150 publications by September.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Ryeslip began with a quantity of 300
books
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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but experienced
slight
Add an article
a slight
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 reduction , dropping 170
books
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 by September. The next library that
standed
Correct your spelling
stood
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 out
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 Sutton Wood, a library with very high fluctuations in growth and decline. It started with 250
books
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 in June, rose slightly in July, released
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
100
books
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 with a very sharp drop in August, and raised dramatically to 300 in September. As for the
pie
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chart
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, fiction
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
 held the largest share, making up 43% of the total,
while
Linking Words
 biography accounted for 10%. History and science had nearly equal shares of fourteen per cent,
along with
Linking Words
 Self-help held the mediocre share at 19%. It is noticeable that the data reveals that
while
Linking Words
 West Eaton and Church Mount experienced consistent growth over the four months, overtaking Sutton Wood in deviations, Ryeslip showed a significant decline, paralleling the decreasing share of self-help
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
 in the
pie
Use synonyms
chart
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,
thus
Linking Words
 highlighting a shift in both the number of the
books
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 and the proportion of types.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words pie, chart, books with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unemployment rates
  • female unemployment
  • data representation
  • overall trend
  • disparities
  • regional differences
  • insight
  • analysis
  • significant changes
  • employment policies
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