Throughout history, people have dreamed of living in a perfect society, but most of the time fail in making this happen. What is your opinion about an ideal society? How can we create an ideal society?

#history #people #society #time #happen

There is an argumentative phenomenon sparking a debate over

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utopia-related issue

whether

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of whether

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the Earth’s civilizations have had a burning desire to be parts of a flawless

society

however

, almost all efforts contribute to

failure’s

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failure

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occurrences.

This

essay is dedicated to analyzing the precious value of an ideal

society

, followed by some far-reaching remedies to

this

dire problem. Without a shadow of a doubt, there is a broad range of beneficial effects on

human

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humans

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when

modern

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a modern

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community

to transform

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transforms

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into a desirable utopia. Undoubtedly,

contemporary

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the contemporary

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world has suffered numerous alarming problematic situations

such

as poverty,

contagious

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and contagious

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epidemic

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epidemics

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, and the most urgent one is environmental

degradations

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degradation

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Such

troublesome circumstances can be possibly tackled when living in a perfect

society

, where every ordinary

citizens

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citizen

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are

Correct subject-verb agreement

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fully

awared

Correct your spelling

aware

of their responsibilities to join hands and find appropriate solutions. To be more precise, dwellers can nudge into an eco-friendly lifestyle,

for instance

, switching to reusable containers

instead

single-used

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single-use

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plastics

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plastic

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bags may curb environmental deterioration.

Hence

an ideal

society

can help us to handle grave troubles easily.

While

the redeeming feature of a flawless community is widely acknowledged, there

are

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a wealth of ceaseless efforts of high-ranking bureaucrats to create

such

ideal

Correct article usage

an ideal

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society

, especially in

educational

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the educational

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field. Having an adequate amount of political empowerment, the government should allocate their national coffer to construct more educational conveniences,

such

schoos

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schools

school

or universities to provide learning

journey

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journeys

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to ordinary residents. By doing so, future generations can thoroughly understand the value of an equal

society

and the importance of treating others in proper ways. Particularly, Sweden has built a great number of tuition-free universities

such

Stockholmes

Correct your spelling

Stockholm

university

Capitalize word

University

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to supply

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

Swedish

accessibilities

Replace the word

access

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to education, which can be cited as a compelling instance.

Thus

, despite being comparatively difficult, utopia-making can be solved if political officers

spent

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spend

show examples

more national budget on education. In conclusion,

although

citizens can easily acknowledge the merits of an ideal

society

, it is essential to note that it is the empowered government

who

Correct pronoun usage

that

show examples

should take measures in educational facets to completely create one.

Submitted by hominhtrang995 on Mon Apr 24 2023

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task achievement

To enhance your Task Achievement score, try to include more detailed and relevant examples. While the mention of Sweden’s tuition-free universities is good, adding more varied examples or case studies from different sectors or countries could strengthen the argument and provide a broader perspective on how an ideal society could be shaped.

coherence cohesion

For Coherence and Cohesion, aim for more transitional phrases and signposts to guide the reader smoothly through your ideas. While your essay demonstrates a good structure, incorporating phrases like “Furthermore,” “In addition to,” or “Conversely” can help in connecting paragraphs and main points more fluidly.

general

To boost the quality of your essay, consider separating longer sentences into shorter, clearer ones. This will not only help in maintaining the reader's attention but also in expressing your ideas more effectively. A clear and concise writing style enhances both coherence and task achievement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

339 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Throughout history, people have dreamed of living in a perfect society, but most of the time fail in making this happen. What is your opinion about an ideal society? How can we create an ideal society?

Include an introduction and conclusion

The central government, the city government and individuals should all be responsible for protecting the environment. Do you agree or disagree?

The main visitors to museums and historical sites are tourists, not local people. Why is it the case? What can be done to attract local people to these places

Lack of fresh water is becoming a global issue of increasing importance. What problems does this shortage cause? What measures could be taken to overcome these problems?

Some people believe that technology causes more problems for modern society than it solves. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

When international media (including movies, fashion shows, advertisements and other TV programs) convey the same messages to the global audience, people argue that the expansion of international media has negative impacts on cultural diversity. What is your opinion?