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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the results of a survey of adult education. The first chart shows the reasons why adults decide to study. The pie chart shows how people think the costs of adult education should be shared.

The charts below show the results of a survey of adult education. The first chart shows the reasons why adults decide to study. The pie chart shows how people think the costs of adult education should be shared.
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The line
chart
Use synonyms
 presents the number of reasons why adult
people
Use synonyms
 decide to
study
Use synonyms
. The second pie
chart
Use synonyms
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
their opinion on how the fee of adults course should be distributed.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that the main reason for
study
Use synonyms
 among adults is interest in
subject
Add an article
the subject
show examples
 and the greatest proportion of
cost
Add an article
the cost
show examples
 of
study
Use synonyms
 must be borne by
individual
Correct article usage
the individual
show examples
 and the least must be taxpayer
according to
Linking Words
 adults’ opinion.
According to
Linking Words
 the first
chart
Use synonyms
, 40
percentage
Replace the word
percent
show examples
 of adults mainly go to
study
Use synonyms
 for interest in
subject
Correct article usage
a subject
show examples
 and
also
Linking Words
 the second reason
due to
Linking Words
Use synonyms
chart
Correct article usage
the chart
show examples
 is gain qualifications (38 %). Some of them choose to
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 to enjoy learning (20%). A similar percentage was noted to improve prospects of promotion. By a small margin, 22
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 of them is preferred to
study
Use synonyms
 for
helpful
Replace the word
help
show examples
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
current
Add an article
the current
a current
show examples
 job by adult
people
Use synonyms
. Meeting
people
Use synonyms
 (9 %) and being able to change jobs (12%) are less likely to
Add a missing verb
be reasons
show examples
reasons
Wrong verb form
reason
show examples
 to continue their education. Regarding the cost of the courses, it is obvious that 40
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
course
Add an article
the course
show examples
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 should be paid by
Add an article
the individual
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 and 35
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 should be supported by employers.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 smallest sector of
pie
Correct article usage
the pie
show examples
chart
Use synonyms
, 25%,
Change preposition
of
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 think that taxpayers ought to pay the cost of the adult
study
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, people, study with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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