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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

One group of people prefer to live in houses that have fewer tall buildings, while others prefer the opposite. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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The issue of whether individuals ought to stay in high-rise residences rather than low-rise ones has prompted considerable debate.
Although
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 many advocate for
this
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 because it is more affordable, others contend against it
due to
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 possible incidents of accidents, which in my opinion, I think is better since it reduces fatality risk. Analyzing these facts will give a comprehensive overview of the subject matter. On the one hand, a lot of individuals prefer to stay in tall apartments since the rent is cheaper.
For instance
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, my boyfriend pays about $500.00 for his rent, he only got
such
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 a cheap apartment because it is located on the 50th floor. Clearly, few-story houses would not offer
such
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 cheap rents.
Therefore
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, why it is
favored
Change the spelling
favoured
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 over the lower houses.
On the other hand
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, lower-rise houses protect the occupants from possible injury from height which could be fatal.
For example
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,
last
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 week, my nephew slipped from the balcony reels, fortunately, he did not sustain any injury because they were staying on the ground floor. Obviously,
this
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 is not a tragedy a high-rise building would have averted.
Hence
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, why people give preference to apartments on the lower levels. In my opinion, living in lower-rise apartments offers great benefits
such
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 as ensuring safety which is paramount. Evidently, my nephew would have passed away if that fall was from a height. In conclusion, the decision if individuals should stay in skyscrapers over low-height apartment buildings has sparked a substantial dispute.
While
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 most folks advocate for
this
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, as it helps reduce the cost of living, others challenge it, since there is a tendency for accidents which could lead to fatality, and
this
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 from my perspective is better. Examining
this
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 factuality, and my opinion has given
an
Correct pronoun usage
me an
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 extensive understanding of
this
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 topic.

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Task Achievement
To improve Task Achievement, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. It's crucial to discuss both views thoroughly and clearly state your own opinion. To enhance this, make sure to develop your points more evenly, ensuring that each view is explored with equal depth and clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance Coherence and Cohesion, work on the logical flow of your essay. While the structure is generally good, transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. Try using a greater variety of linking words and phrases to help your paragraphs flow more naturally into each other.
Coherence and Cohesion
For improved Coherence and Cohesion, also ensure that your introduction and conclusion are clear, concise, and effectively summarize the main points of your essay. While your essay begins and ends on relevant notes, refining these sections to more directly address the essay prompt will strengthen your argument overall.
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