IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Most people accept that we now live in a globalised world but not everyone agrees that this is benefcial. To what extent is globalisation a positive or negative development? Write about the following topic: Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or examples

#people #world #globalisation #development #topic
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Currently,
people
 have different views as to whether the majority of
people
 accept that they get many benefits from a globalised
world
while
 some
people
 do not think like that. Despite the fact that the minority of
people
 will get to affect more than advantages. I believe that a globalised
world
 will create many positive things around the
world
. On the one hand, there are many
people
 who are affected by globalisation, particularly environmental problems, pollution issues and social concerns.
This
 is because information fastly develops but some countries slowly change.
For example
, in developing regions
such
 as Southeast Asia, they are used as the location of industrial factories.
As a result
, they have many problems with pollution.
On the other hand
, the innovation of the
world
 is rapidly expanding and the economic system is growing .
This
 is
due to
 the fact that consumers around the
world
 have the financial power from globalisation.
For instance
,
people
 in developed countries can invent various technology devices
such
 as smartphones, computers, chip industries and communication systems.
Moreover
, globalisation can create convenience in the way of life.
This
 is because many hi-tech inventions can support their important activities.
For example
, when individuals go to study, they use tablets for note lessons
while
 some
people
 go to work, they use computers to do their work.
Therefore
,
people
 around the
world
 have necessary to use hi-tech inventions to develop their skills and their convenience. In conclusion, in my opinion, most
people
 will receive more benefits than drawbacks
overall
 for all the reasons I have mentioned above.
Submitted by name79sinlapa on

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Introduction Clarity
Make sure your introduction clearly presents your viewpoint on globalisation, hinting at the reasons you will discuss.
Balanced Discussion
Try to provide a balanced view by discussing both positive and negative aspects of globalisation before stating your conclusion.
Specific Examples
Include specific examples to support each of your main points. This can help make your arguments more persuasive and concrete.
Paragraph Structure
Work on the structure of your paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea, introduced by a clear topic sentence, followed by explanations and examples.
Linking Words
Enhance the cohesion of your essay by using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly.
Task Response
You have taken a clear stance on the topic, which is good for task response.
Conclusion Clarity
Your conclusion summarizes your viewpoint effectively, reinforcing your stance on globalisation.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural exchange
  • Economic growth
  • Technological advancements
  • Cultural homogenisation
  • Economic disparity
  • Multinational corporations
  • Local businesses
  • Climate change
  • Collaboration
  • Mutual understanding
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