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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people believe that in order for a hobby to be enjoyable, it needs to be difficult in some way. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #hobby
In Britain, when
people
 are being taken care of in nursing homes
where
Rephrase
apply
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many nurses and
care givers
Correct your spelling
caregivers
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are serving them. It is difficult to decide whether all those running costs are being incurred by the
government
 or the family. It depends on the country’s political policy. Everyone must pay
taxations
Replace the word
taxes
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 living. The
government
 must decide how to allocate their tax into respective transactions. So that when
people
 retire, they can have their own entitlement when they are not able to make money.
On the other hand
,
people
 with
families
 deserve to be cared for by family regardless of financial obligation. The family should be supported to old age in the means of mental obligation. Old
people
sometime
Fix the agreement mistake
sometimes
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 may think that they become useless unless family supports them. From my point of view, it is good that the
government
 has a strategy to provide a
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 plan to secure their
people
 till
end
Add an article
the end
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 of their
time
. Not just because of political policy, it is because of giving them back what they deserve to be. Old Peoples at a young age, had been working for
families
 and their countries by dedicating their
time
 and efforts. To
be conclude
Change the verb form
conclude
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
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I
am agree
Change the verb form
agree
show examples
 with the
government
 paying the elder generations’ living costs just because they should accept in return what they invested in. Old generations need to be treated by
families
 in terms of
mentally
Change the word
mental
show examples
 and
financially
Change the word
financial
show examples
 support. Rather than send them to be nursing home, they should spend their
time
 with family by seeing their
grand kids
Correct your spelling
grandkids
show examples
 growing up. I suppose it would be great if old ages should spend the rest of their
time
 utilizing
government
 subsidies
while
 enjoying their life surrounded by their
families
.
Submitted by maysweet1787 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sense of accomplishment
  • overcoming obstacles
  • gratifying
  • continuous source of enjoyment
  • relaxing activities
  • unwind and de-stress
  • counterproductive
  • mental break
  • subjective
  • personal preference
What to do next:
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