IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should realise this. To what extent do you agree?

#prevention #health #illness #treatment #medicine #government #realise
Health is one
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 important aspects of life that cannot be ignored.Prevention is better than cure as the saying goes is true since time. It is the responsibility of the state to invest in
such
 measures rather than
on
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in
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 medicines. There are many diseases that can be prevented by taking certain precautions.
To begin
 with,the deadly disease malaria has been
enormolusly
Correct your spelling
enormously
 increasing in many societies and individuals have to spend huge amounts in paying
the
Correct article usage
apply
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hospital bills.
Instead
,the government should prevent the stagnant water from entering the houses as malaria is a water
brone
Correct your spelling
borne
 disease and keeping the water fresh it reduces the burden on the
people
.
Moreover
,certain skin conditions like
Ezcema
Correct your spelling
Eczema
 and skin rashes are caused
due to
 not being clean and
hygenic
Correct your spelling
hygienic
.Individuals should try to
bath
Correct your spelling
bathe
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 daily and keep themselves in good condition by using moisturisers.
In addition
 to the
above mentioned
Add a hyphen
above-mentioned
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 reasons
government
Add an article
the government
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 can conduct camps and educate
people
 about healthy habits to
adapt
Correct your spelling
adopt
show examples
 in their daily life which will not only lessen their burden on spending money on drugs
bur
Correct your spelling
but
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also
 on expensive procedures.
With the
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The
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 rise in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of cancer patients every year especially oral cancers
due to
 smoking
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 caused low socio-economic
people
 to spend their wages on treatment.
State
Add an article
The state
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 should impose
ban
Add an article
a ban
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 on these tobacco products which will help decrease the cancer rate.
For instance
,it has been reported there is a decline of about 50
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in cancer rate after the stoppage of tobacco in urban and rural areas.
To conclude
,Government should spend its revenue on health education and help prevent certain diseases which will not only benefit the
people
 financially but
also
 mentally.
Submitted by mudassir1219 on

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Your opinion

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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