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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people are choosing to move to cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #move #cities #trend
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In the modern era of science and technology, individuals are going to move to a good area.
Such
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 as cities. From my perspective, its advantages will outweigh the disadvantages because of the job opportunities and branded lifestyle, even they will become mature and creative. The main advantage is that people are moving towards the city
due to
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 facilities and careers. Because of
this
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 most of the pupils are going to move abroad to grab ample knowledge and for getting good skills-based jobs.
For example
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, in India, about 90% of parents consider that their children will earn a reasonable amount of salary which will
full fill
Correct your spelling
fulfil
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 all the requirements so
that is
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 why their guardians sent their kids to rural areas
due to
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 much multinational coordination exists in well-developed areas. Owing to the different lifestyles individuals want to live in cities, they are not aware
that
Change preposition
of
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 what will be going to happen in the future, but they will become mature and creative if children live far away from their houses, it can help them to learn how can you manage weekly expenses and other things like groceries and rent, which will help them to get to know two skills first time management and second money management.
For instance
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, in the
united states
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United States
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 of America (USA) at the age of fifteen students
starts
Correct subject-verb agreement
start
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 to work which will help them to realise whether they can live without their parents or not,
in other words
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, their parents want to teach both skills at
this
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 age. So, most of the population is living in Cities which will make their future brighter than ever. In conclusion, the masses tend to move to rural areas. Its advantages will outweigh the
disadvantage
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disadvantages
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 owing to
this
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, the students will get more jobs and
fashionable
Correct article usage
a fashionable
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 life.
Submitted by lavishsaini280 on

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coherence cohesion
Please improve the clarity and relevance of your ideas to the topic. Organize your essay in a more structured and coherent manner. Provide relevant examples and ensure that the introduction and conclusion address the topic directly.
task achievement
Your essay lacks a clear and comprehensive response to the given topic. Ensure that you address all aspects of the prompt and provide a well-structured argument with relevant examples.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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