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Band 3.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #community #service #part #school #programmes
Many people argued that high
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should consider unpaid
community
 service as compulsory in
educatinal
Correct your spelling
educational
 programmes. I
completly
Correct your spelling
completely
 agree with
this
 point of view. In my opinion, unpaid
commuity
Correct your spelling
community
 service may
provides
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provide
show examples
 valuable life skills for adolescents. Thanks to
community
 programs, teenagers are likely to learn to communicate and work in teams.
Nowaday
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
show examples
, there would
no
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not
show examples
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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opportunity
Add an article
an opportunity
the opportunity
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 for children
take
Fix the infinitive
to take
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 part in after-schooling
activitis
Correct your spelling
activities
,
as a result
, they often go back home after shooling and browse the internet.
Therefore
, participating in unpaid
community
 services could be more useful. Students have
obligation
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the obligation
an obligation
show examples
of
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to
show examples
attend
Change the verb form
attending
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
upaid
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unpaid
paid
community
 services would help them to prepare for adult life. Candidates own valuable skills that they gained in the past would have more
competional
Correct your spelling
computational
 advantage than those who do not have.
Secondly
, unpaid
commuity
Correct your spelling
community
 service is a compulsory part of high
school
 programmes
could
Correct pronoun usage
that could
show examples
 help to mitigate criminals who
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 at the age of high
school
. There would be no spare time for
chidren
Correct your spelling
children
 to think
any
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of any
show examples
 absurd ideas that cause
dangerous
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danger
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 for themselves and
people
Correct article usage
the people
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 around them when they have to work for
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
. In conclusion, I totally support
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the idea that high schools put unpaid
community
 services in high
school
progarmmes
Correct your spelling
programs
.
This
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not only provides
chidren
Correct your spelling
children
valuable
Change preposition
with valuable
show examples
 skills
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 prepares them for adult life.
Submitted by hugoductam on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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