IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward student who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #schools #reward #students #show #results #student #improvements
Rewards play a significant role in the personal and social life of human beings. Some Individuals believe that academies should reward
students
 who achieve remarkable results
whereas
 some people think it is more important to award those who show improvements. It is necessary to look at both arguments before forming an opinion. On the one hand, if schools provide rewards to their
students
 who get good scores in the examination
as a result
 they are eager to achieve the highest goal.
Additionally
, appreciation is
also
 welcome to encourage
students
 to get their aim and they are more focused on their studies.
For example
, schools provide a full scholarship who get the highest marks in the class
then
 all
students
 are motivated for the best marks.
On the other hand
, It is worth considering giving rewards to
students
 who always trying to
get growth
Verb problem
grow
show examples
 in their performance day by day.
Moreover
, if they get small awards
such
 as a pen or notebook for their development they feel more noticeable from others.
In addition
, they try to improve their ability.
For Instance
, one study says average
students
 are interested in studies because of the faith shown by their teachers
as well as
 school. In my opinion, the academy should award both the
students
 who show the best academic results and
who
Correct determiner usage
those who
show examples
 show enhancement themself.
However
, sometimes it shows unhealthy competition with each other. In conclusion, I pen down saying that everybody has their own level of learning so
that is
 an essential reward to
students
 at each level. Appreciating someone showing signs of improvement is vital to make them successful in life.
Submitted by bsuman402 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Task Response: Your essay provides a clear response to the question and presents relevant ideas. However, make sure to fully address both views and present a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, and the ideas are generally well connected. To improve, work on the organization and development of your main points for a more cohesive structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: