Employees sometime ask people applying for jobs for personal information such as their hobbies and interest and whether they are married or single.Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful while other disagree.To what extent do you agree.

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The plat shows us the changes in the museum environment between 1990 and 2010.
According to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the data, we can see that the size of the store and the shop have been extended
nearly
Change preposition
by nearly

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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half.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the proportion of the exhibition area has reduced from 1990 to 2010.
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

Also
Add a comma
,Also

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase Also. Consider adding a comma.

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it can be noticed that the green plants have
happen
Change the verb form
happened

It appears that the verb happen should be in the past participle form. Consider changing it.

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changes
Wrong verb form
changed

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb changes. Consider changing it.

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, there
was
Change the verb form
were

The singular verb form was does not seem to agree with the plural subject no trees on the right side of the garden. Consider changing the verb form.

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no trees on the right side of the garden in 1990, but plants were improved to the offside of the garden in 2010. From 1990 to 2010, the original location of the cottage become coffee and the garden in the lower right order has turned into a car park. The place of the export has
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

move
Change the verb form
moved

It appears that the verb move should be in the past participle form. Consider changing it.

show examples
, from the southeast of the small wooden house to the southwest of the parking lot. So we can know that the number of
park
Change to a plural noun
parks

The singular countable noun park follows the quantifier number, which requires a plural noun. Consider using a plural noun or a different quantifier.

show examples
has decreased,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the area of the car park has increased.
Overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, during these 20 years, except
that
Correct word choice
apply

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

show examples
the small road and everything else has variates.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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