IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment- doing things they like to do rather than

#people #time #enjoyment-
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Time
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 is
money
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 in the modern day. Some
people
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 believe that individuals are mostly busy with doing the
things
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 which they enjoy,
while
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 others argue that
people
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 are busier with the
things
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 that they were obligated to do. From my perspective, I think that nowadays
people
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 do not have enough
time
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 to engage in their hobbies. I feel
this
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 way for a number of reasons, which I will explore in the following essay. First of all, in modern life, one of the main factors is
money
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. If a person does not have a proper
job
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, he will not have a decent income to sustain the family. For earning more
money
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 and fulfil the demands of the family, one should devote his
time
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 and energy to his
job
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. My personal experience is a compelling example of
this
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. I am working as an accountant for five years and I was planning to prepare to get a master’s degree in science after two years of
work
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 experience. I have no
money
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 to fulfil
this
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 dream, nor the
time
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 to prepare. I only could earn income for my daily needs, despite the fact that I
work
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 from nine to six for five days.
Secondly
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, folks are busy with their
job
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,
thus
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 they hardly have
time
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 to do the
things
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 that they want to accomplish. In modern life, everyone should
work
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 in order to have a normal life. If one works, he will probably have energy after the
job
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 to do the
things
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 which interest him. Most works take eight hours daily.
Besides
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, it takes at least a half hour to commute to the office.
As a result
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,
people
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 will not have enough
time
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, and energy to do personal stuff.
To sum up
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, I personally believe that modern folks are mostly busy with the
things
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 which they are obligated to rather than doing the stuff for their own enjoyment.
This
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 is because individuals should
work
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 in order to meet the demands of their families and they do not have
time
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 to engage with personal interests.
Submitted by susanna.alberto084 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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