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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

in the past, most people used to travel to their place of work. with increased use of computers, the internet and smartphones, more and more people are starting to work from work. what are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?

#people #travel #place #work #computers #internet #smartphones #development
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In the past ,most
people
Use synonyms
 used to commute to their workplace.with
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of technology like
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
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,
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
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 and
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
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,more number of
people
Use synonyms
 that work freelancing are increased. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
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 I will discuss both of the advantages and disadvantages aspects of
this
Linking Words
 subject. With
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
 of working at home and using
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
 ,
people
Use synonyms
 are more
convenience
Replace the word
convenient
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 to arrange their time.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
,example
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 they have enough time to be with family and
doing
Wrong verb form
do
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 their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
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 job like gym and reading etc in
leisure
Correct pronoun usage
their leisure
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 time.
Furthermore
Linking Words
 by the
reduce
Replace the word
reduction
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 of commuting lots of traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
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especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
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 in
metropolis
Add an article
the metropolis
a metropolis
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 can be improved and
Linking Words
consequently
Add a comma
,consequently
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 the number of
accident
Fix the agreement mistake
accidents
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 and death would be decreased.
In contrast
Linking Words
 ,nowadays
due to
Linking Words
overuse
Correct article usage
the overuse
show examples
 of
smart phone
Correct your spelling
smartphone
show examples
 and
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
 are exposed to serious mental and body
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
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 including tension ,
nervous
Replace the word
nervousness
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,decreasing of see
sight
Add an article
the sight
a sight
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,
muscular
Correct word choice
and muscular
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 and skeleton disorders, And
therefore
Linking Words
in
Change preposition
apply
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this
Linking Words
 type
health
Change preposition
of health
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 is
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dangerous.
More over
Correct your spelling
Moreover
show examples
 with working at home
people
Use synonyms
 are connecting with
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
 and losing dealing with each other so gradually face-to-face communication and contact skills would be eliminated. In conclusion, as can be seen from the points made in
this
Linking Words
 essay there are advantages and disadvantages to working at home and
overall
Linking Words
 in my opinion the disadvantages would outweigh the advantages.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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