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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

in the past, most people used to travel to their place of work. with increased use of computers, the internet and smartphones, more and more people are starting to work from work. what are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?

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Introduction
In the past ,most
people
Use synonyms
 used to commute to their workplace.with
development
Correct article usage
the development
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 of technology like
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
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,
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
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 and
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
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,more number of
people
Use synonyms
 that work freelancing are increased. In
this
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essay
Add a comma
,essay
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 I will discuss both of the advantages and disadvantages aspects of
this
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 subject.
Body paragraph 1
With
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
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 of working at home and using
Internet
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the Internet
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 ,
people
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 are more
convenience
Replace the word
convenient
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 to arrange their time.
For
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example
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,example
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 they have enough time to be with family and
doing
Wrong verb form
do
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 their
favorite
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favourite
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 job like gym and reading etc in
leisure
Correct pronoun usage
their leisure
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 time.
Furthermore
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 by the
reduce
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reduction
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 of commuting lots of traffic
jam
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jams
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especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
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 in
metropolis
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the metropolis
a metropolis
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 can be improved and
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consequently
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,consequently
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 the number of
accident
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accidents
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 and death would be decreased.
Body paragraph 2
In contrast
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 ,nowadays
due to
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overuse
Correct article usage
the overuse
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 of
smart phone
Correct your spelling
smartphone
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 and
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
 are exposed to serious mental and body
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
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 including tension ,
nervous
Replace the word
nervousness
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,decreasing of see
sight
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the sight
a sight
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,
muscular
Correct word choice
and muscular
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 and skeleton disorders, And
therefore
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in
Change preposition
apply
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this
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 type
health
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of health
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 is
in
Change preposition
apply
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dangerous.
More over
Correct your spelling
Moreover
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 with working at home
people
Use synonyms
 are connecting with
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
 and losing dealing with each other so gradually face-to-face communication and contact skills would be eliminated.
Conclusion
In conclusion, as can be seen from the points made in
this
Linking Words
 essay there are advantages and disadvantages to working at home and
overall
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 in my opinion the disadvantages would outweigh the advantages.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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