IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

All over the world societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. Obesity affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity? How can it be tackled?

#world #societies #obesity #children #adults #rise
Nowadays,
obesity
 has a significant impact on
children
 and adults across the globe. In
this
 essay, I will discuss the causes of the increase in
obesity
 and provide some ideas to face
this
 serious issue. One of the main reasons for
this
 rise in
obesity
 is the habit of eating fast
food
 and ready meals. Some
people
 find it very convenient to buy these types of processed
food
 as they are very convenient for a busy life,
however
 , they are high in trans fats and low in nutrients which increase the risk of diabetes.
Secondly
,
people
 rely on cars to take
children
 to
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 or
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 to their jobs.
Besides
 that,
children
 spend hours playing video games and adults, as well, watch films on Netflix or chat with friends on social media or whats app. Back in the day,
children
 used to play in the streets ,
although
, these days parents find
this
 very dangerous as crime has increased in most parts of the world.
Finally
, there are more
people
 working in customer service or retail than working in a factory doing a manual job. Doing a physical job allows individuals to burn calories easily meanwhile in customer service or retail,
people
 are most of the time working over the phone or
sat
Change the form of the verb
sitting
show examples
. To tackle
obesity
 in
children
 and adults the government should reduce the price of healthy
food
such
 as vegetables and fruits and increase the price of processed
food
such
 as ready meals and frozen
food
. Another solution could be to ban cars from cities and promote cycling to access the city
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
.
Finally
, junk
food
 should be banned from schools and public settings in order to encourage
people
 to have a healthy diet.
To conclude
,
obesity
 is a complex public health problem with different factors to take into account. The government should take measures to encourage
people
 to have a healthy diet and promote exercise.
Submitted by melisarf on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Obesity
  • Overweight
  • Epidemic
  • Sedentary
  • Processed food
  • Fast food
  • Nutritional education
  • Awareness
  • Stress
  • Emotional eating
  • Genetic factors
  • Access
  • Healthy food options
  • Marketing
  • Urbanization
  • Lifestyles
What to do next:
Look at other essays: