IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it.* *Discuss both views and give your opinion.*

#people #attention #*discuss
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A few
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 believed that advertising is extremely effective at convincing others to patronize things. Most
personperceived
Correct your spelling
person perceived
 that advertising is outdated and we don't pay much attention to it.In my own
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
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 I strongly agree. Advertising has been helpful in so many ways, in sinking an idea into the consumers' subconscious mind to purchase
a
Remove the article
apply
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merchandise, creating awareness of certain commodities ,and
also
Linking Words
derive
Wrong verb form
deriving
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 the importance of getting the
commodity
Use synonyms
 ,thereby creating job opportunities and generating revenue . It's already trending globally in the world,everything denotes sales marketing and desired satisfaction from a
commodity
Use synonyms
 .take
for instance
Linking Words
 ,
I
Correct pronoun usage
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 have a friend in the health sector whose job description was to give adult immunisation, for the fact that he vaccinates individuals doesn't limit him to advertise ,he health educate them about the vaccine's effectiveness and imperative of being vaccinated.all
this
Linking Words
 process will not only yield health promotion or prevention of diseases but will appraise profit making for the organizations.
On the contrary
Linking Words
 ,most
people
Use synonyms
 perceived that advertising is outdated and we don't pay much attention to it. Truly, considering the fact that too most
people
Use synonyms
 are already in the bid of doing sales marketing in all sectors. Makes it tiring for
people
Use synonyms
 to get genuine goods. Because there is a tendency of purchasing a fake
commodity
Use synonyms
 as much , every person
want
Change the verb form
wants
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 to advertise their
commodity
Use synonyms
 but making profits is aimed , so they are not bothered about customers satisfaction. Thereby making the individuals fall victim to acquiring the wrong goods and services and making individuals uninterested . In conclusion, it's argued that advertisements have a role in sinking ideas of the subconscious mind of every person to purchase goods but too many
person
Change to a plural noun
people
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 had made it uninteresting to get
a
Correct article usage
the
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 desired utility from
such
Linking Words
 services.
Submitted by oludayotemilade on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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