IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Today,more people are overweight than ever before . What in your own opinion are primary causes of ? What are the main effects of this epidemic?

In recent
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
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, it has been observed that the rate at which people gain weight is very alarming.
this
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 is
due to
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 the nature of
Use synonyms
work
Correct article usage
the work
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 they do and
dependent
Correct pronoun usage
their dependent
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 on fast
foods
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 which may result
into
Change preposition
in
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 morbidity at working place and low productivity increase. the will be explained in the subsequent paragraphs with reasonable examples and
logic
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logical
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 conclusion.
To begin
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 with, the main causing factor of
this
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 problem is the nature of
work
Use synonyms
 which may permit an individual to be active for a lengthy period of the day thereby preventing burn up of calories.
For instance
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,a sedentary worker ; who sits for almost ten hours every day may not participate in both passive and active exercise which may hinder the
body
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 from using up the excess calories in the system. Another contributing factor is reliance on readymade
foods
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 like snacks and drinks on
regular
Correct article usage
a regular
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 basis. The major contents in these
foods
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 are sugar, fats and salt and if these nutrients are not being metabolized effectively, the effect is detrimental to the
body
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.
Thus
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 these factors contribute greatly to increased
body
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 mass. Turning to possible effects, perhaps the immediate is reduced output at
work
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 as the negative impact of weight gain
due to
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sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
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 lifestyle in the working place. Lack of activities makes the
body
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 tiresome or heavy which may cause an individual to lose passion to
work
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 or
work
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 less than usual thereby resulting
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 low productivity. Another consequence is the higher rate at which people fall sick because of dependence on unhealthy food from eateries. Most of the contents in these can predispose one to diseases
such
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 as hypertension and heart problems if they are used up by the
body
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.
Hence
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 ,fat people will likely experience these effects as
consequence
Add an article
a consequence
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 of weight gain. In conclusion,
it is clear that
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 increased rate of sickness and reduced productivity are consequences of obesity
while
Linking Words
Correct your spelling
sedentary
sedentry
Correct article usage
a sedentry
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 lifestyle
due to
Linking Words
type
Add an article
the type
a type
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 of
work
Use synonyms
 and junks
foods
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 are the main cause

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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