IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people believe that life in a large city is becoming more and more arduous, while the life in villages is much more beneficial. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #life #city #villages
Our earth is home to around six billion people living all around the globe, many of them are urbanites and other ruralites. One line of thought of
society
 states that it’s beneficial to live in urban
areas
,
however
, others stand opposite to it. But
this
 thought is gyrated by many reasons.
The urban
Correct article usage
Urban
show examples
society
 provides great means of basic amenities necessary for living life. We can find lot
schools
Change preposition
of schools
show examples
 and other
education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
 institutions in cities where the tiny tots make their future and turn into better future civilians.
On the contrary
, the students from villages come to the cities to have
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 education. Health
facilities
 are
also
 found in abundance in urban
areas
. Whenever
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people in a rural area have any serious health issues rush to the urban
areas
 to avail these
facilities
.
Apart from
this
, the vast amount of
transports
Change the noun form
transport
show examples
facilities
 has made life immensely easy to live in urban
areas
. On the
flipside
Correct your spelling
flip side
show examples
, the villagers have great difficulty in transport as proper means are not present and if present the roads are not proper to run them as they are never properly sanitised. The
facilities
 of shopping malls and supermarkets have helped to gain access to necessary items under one roof easily decreasing our time utility.
However
, if take a glance at rural
society
, we will be able to find lush green fields, fresh air and
pure
Correct article usage
a pure
show examples
 environment which is highly polluted in the cities. The villagers have a healthy lifestyle which is very scant in urban
areas
. People
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 rural
areas
 are more socialised
whereas
 that
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 urban
areas
 are mammon worshippers, always running to make
both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
ends meet. Parents of urban
society
 have very less time
due to
 which they are slowly drifted
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 oblivion,
whereas
 the children of rural
society
 share a great bond with their parents. The crime rate is far less in rural parts as compared to urban where crime is found in every nook and corner of the
society
. At
last
Add a comma
,last
show examples
 keeping all the aspects in mind, we can conclude that living in any part has both benefits and drawbacks,
however
, it’s
totally
Add an article
a totally
show examples
 subjective choice
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
which
society
cater
Correct subject-verb agreement
caters
show examples
our
Change preposition
for our
show examples
 needs better.
Submitted by sinan_yalcindag27 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: